it was difficult at work today…  first item on the agenda was to review 2012 to find when I had done work on a particular project…  I was astonished at how difficult it was to look at some dates on the calendar – the day when George died, the day I returned to work, the day I was told, by phone, that I had cancer… the day I realized it had been a month, two, six, since his death…

lots of waiting involved… waiting to hear from insurance companies, waiting to hear from CPP, waiting to hear from credit card companies, waiting to hear from doctors, waiting to hear about surgery, waiting to hear results of the pathology, waiting…

I continue to try to be in the moment as the waiting continues…  tomorrow would have been George’s 64th birthday and I am waiting to see how we get through the day…  currently the plans are to meet in the evening and share some apple pie (his favourite), stories of fun times together, and likely a few tears…

On Wednesday, it will be 9 months since he died…  I don’t always remember ahead of time, but usually sometime during the day on the 5th I will realize what has happened and take a moment to remember what a wonderful life we had…

this is going to be a long week…