toothpaste cap…

12 Thursday Sep 2013

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bad habits, big girl pants, messy, toothpaste

been thinking and talking about this quite a bit lately…

messy toothpaste cap…

for over 30 of our 41 plus years, I blamed George for the messy toothpaste cap…

so, one would think that now the toothpaste cap would be neat and tidy… but apparently George wasn’t the only one who messed it up… although someone did suggest that he was coming back and messing it up as a little joke…

makes me giggle a bit and also feel a bit bad that I was putting all the blame on him when just possibly I had something to do with it…

wonder what else may have fit in that category…

sky…

11 Wednesday Sep 2013

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300 posts, getting darker, life partner, loss, sky

this is the 300th post to my blog…

wow… quite amazing really… started out wanting to share my story with others who have lost a life partner… the difficult days and the not so difficult… letting others know that you aren’t alone in what you are feeling… not sure I have connected with those people particularly, but quite a few people seem to appreciate my posts so I continue…

clouds through the trees…

this morning the sky was very lovely and I took a few photos… the colour isn’t exactly right, but it is what the camera caught…

clouds from the deck…

have been noticing that it is much darker in the morning now… since the beginning of the week it has been very noticeable… having to turn on a light to get dressed…

sky from the car mid morning…

ran out with a colleague to do an errand and caught the view above… the sun shone for the remainder of the day and it rained a bit just before I got home…

sunflower…

10 Tuesday Sep 2013

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big girl pants, flowers, garden, nature, sunflower, weeding

yesterday I took a picture of the sunflower in the front garden starting to open…

sunflower just starting to open through the window…

I didn’t plant it there, but apparently I haven’t done any weeding for a while and all of a sudden there it was big and bold in the garden… couldn’t pull it out after that…

sunflower opening…

so I’ve been watching it and this morning as I was leaving the driveway I took a couple of pictures…

close up of sunflower opening…

as I wasn’t home, I couldn’t see if it swivelled around to follow the sun, but maybe I will be able to see that on the weekend…

it is always such fun to see a field of sunflowers turning their faces to follow the sun…

paperwork…

09 Monday Sep 2013

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big girl pants, crazy system, government departments, huge stress, paperwork

been thinking about the difficulties of sorting things out with government departments…

recently a young friend has been struggling with Service Canada regarding a mat leave…

reminds me of the difficulties I encountered when I was on sick leave last year and two years before that…

if you can get to an actual person they are usually very helpful, although I did discover that one would say one thing, and the next person might say the exact opposite… and when you are worried about getting the funding you do everything you can to do exactly as they say so that everything works out and you actually get the money…

in the end, last year I received about a thousand dollars… can’t even imagine what it cost in my time and our Finance person’s time… dozens of phone calls to the government, many calls to my colleague at work… huge amounts of stress… pages of paperwork done and redone… sick time and vacation time used up and then advised by the government that I owed them more in taxes because I hadn’t received a record of the amount of money that had eventually been paid to me…

I know it’s in here somewhere…

the system is rather crazy… maybe one day they will make it user-friendly, lol…

ready for bed…

08 Sunday Sep 2013

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big girl pants, dinner, lovely weather, ready for bed, soccer game, surprise breakfast out

had a lovely surprise breakfast out, enjoyed a house tour and a lovely walk…

napped and then was picked up by the kids for a soccer game… excellent game and the weather was just lovely, a bit overcast with a slight breeze… our boys won which added even more excitement…

then we went to their house for dinner which consisted of a variety of baked chicken wings, mashed potatoes and cauliflower, with tomatoes and carrots from their garden… all of which was very nice… the boys headed to bed and I was driven home…

heading to bed…

rather a busy day… now it is off to bed for me, lol…

enjoyable day…

07 Saturday Sep 2013

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algae in the pond, big girl pants, enjoyable day, more positive, morning glory, nap, reading, soaking roots, Spruce Meadows, watched birds

believe that I enjoyed every minute of my day… got up, dressed and went outside… spent some time in my new chair and read…

reading and watching the plants get watered at the root level…

found the root watering tool and watered all of the plants in the new pond area… right now the pond is filled with algae and I think it is from fertilizing the plants and the water running into the pond…

took most of the day, but each plant got a lovely soaking at the root level, and while that was going on I watched the birds, read and snacked…

beautiful morning glory…

had a lovely nap in the afternoon and watched some great jumping at Spruce Meadows…

read and watered some more and then came in for supper and some TV…

starting to feel more positive again… thank goodness…

when…

06 Friday Sep 2013

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big girl pants, get on with life, lay in bed and cry, new running shoes, Sargent Sundae, when

when will these days be over…

had a very rough day today… keep thinking that I should be done with days like this… when I just really want to lay on my bed and cry, but instead have to work and try to keep the tears from coming…

549 days… shouldn’t that be enough… shouldn’t I be able to get on with life… what is my problem…

tonight the kids came and we picked up some groceries and made dinner… then we went to Sargent Sundae for ice cream… perked me up a little bit…

how can you feel sorry for yourself with all the energy surrounding you, lol…

got a shot of someone’s new running shoes which are orange with camo…

side view of new running shoes…

18 months…

05 Thursday Sep 2013

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18 months, beloved left me, big girl pants, George-size hole, hot tub, life is good, married, satellites, widow

I was married for 41 years and 7 months (15,193 days)…

41st anniversary in Courtenay…

I have been a widow, for 18 months (548 days)…

sometimes it feels like they are equally long…

the last few weeks have been difficult and it wasn’t until midway through last week that I realized it was coming up to a year and a half since my beloved left me behind…

last night I made a dish that I first made just after we were married… it had fish, rice, mushroom soup and whatever vegetable was around and I made it fairly often as my repertoire of recipes wasn’t very big…

he ate that meal on and off for 30 years before finally telling me it wasn’t his favourite… made me laugh as I was eating it last night…

as I sat in the hot tub later and looked up at the stars I saw a satellite along with 4 planes and remembered how he would always spot them before me and then have to point them out carefully so that I would see them…

my life is good, and I am getting used to the big girl pants, but some days I just really miss him…

I remember someone years ago talking about a Godde-sized hole inside them… I have a George-size hole… I imagine it will grow smaller, but don’t expect that it will ever be completely gone…

spiders…

04 Wednesday Sep 2013

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big girl pants, pond is not leaking, run-in, serenity, she bear, spiders, terrified, wonderful sound

couple of things have happened over the last few days..

both yesterday and today I have had run-ins with spiders… if you know me you know that I dislike spiders immensely… all of our married life George would save me when I came across one… I would holler and he would come running and dispose of the creature…

one of the few times I dealt with one, that I can remember, was when Cyndi was a tiny baby in the bassinet and one headed across the living room floor toward her… I found a shoe and disposed of it in a fit of she bear protective rage…

we watched Arachnophobia when it was on TV once, and I had nightmares for weeks, the girls thought it was hilarious… I remember as a girl at my Grandmother’s cottage having spiders run toward me on a regular basis… I think they knew I was terrified…

yesterday there was one in the main floor bathroom when I came downstairs first thing in the morning… I had to find a shoe and deal with it and did, with barely a flutter of my heart… tonight I sat up on the bed to discover one right up against the wall not a foot from my foot… quickly I found a book and dealt with it…

apparently, I am getting used to those big girl pants…