Author Archives: sulis303

seeing…

13 Wednesday Mar 2013

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had to rush home after work, jump in the car and head off to an appointment with a new eye doctor … those darn big girl pants…

I had decided to change my eye doctor after my last visit when my eye prescription wasn’t done correctly and was only caught when my contact lens person realized that something was missing…

this young man is quite wonderful… the office had all the newest equipment, as well as some that was likely close to a hundred years old… he knew his stuff and explained as he went including things that I should have known before, but hadn’t…

I’ve been having some trouble with my eyes since sometime in December and had gone to see my GP, who referred me to a specialist, who has prescribed pills and ointment for my eye… the infection still hasn’t cleared up and my vision seems to have gotten a bit worse so I was a bit worried about it all…

much as I had thought, it appears that the ointment is causing the blurring that I’ve been experiencing so that was good news… as well as the news that my eyes are in very good condition… yay…

when I was about 9 or so I got my first pair of glasses… I can remember walking out of the shop and seeing leaves on the trees… before that, they had been a mass of green…

I haven’t been able to wear my contacts for the last few months but am looking forward to being able to use them once the infection is gone, although it has been stubborn…

sometimes it is easy to forget the little things that make our life easy… such as glasses and good eyesight…

taken with my iPhone shows how deep the snow is...

taken with my iPhone in the evening – shows how deep the snow was…

made me think about my recent afternoon with the boys and how they changed the pristine snow covered landscape in the backyard to a very lived in space…

actively used garden...

actively used garden…

heron, nearly run over...

heron, nearly run over…

seeing is a wonderful thing…

friends…

12 Tuesday Mar 2013

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watched a small portion of Katie when I got home from work tonight before heading out to aquasize…

it was about a book titled – Saturday Night Widows… by a woman who attended a support group after her husband died and was told by the facilitator that she really didn’t fit in and shouldn’t come to the group again… she was looking for women who wanted to move forward, not just look back… she started a group with other women who were widowed and apparently the rest is history – or a book, lol…

in the interview with Katie Couric they talked about how important friends are when something devastating like the death of a partner happens…

made me think of my groups of women friends and how we have been there for each other over the years… without them these last twelve months would have been so much more difficult…

we had our first BS gathering on Monday with one of us connecting via Skype as she has moved to Regina for a contract…  there were only two of us here, but it was great to connect and see some of her surroundings…

the hands of the women who know my heart...

the hands of women who know my heart…

friendship is such a gift…

 

the kettle…

11 Monday Mar 2013

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yesterday when I was making my morning tea, looking at the kettle reminded me of when it came into my life…

my friend, Dobby, was here to take care of me after my cancer/hernia surgery in July… she did a wonderful job of tempting me to eat with lovely snacks and drinks throughout the day… she cleaned and tidied, organized my fridge and freezer so that when she left I would have food to eat, and we figured out how I could get water to drink…

the deal was that I wasn’t to lift anything over 5 pounds for 6 weeks…  five pounds isn’t very much and I was being on the careful side because I didn’t want any complications which might slow down my recovery which was slated to be about 10 weeks…

once I was able to move around a bit Dobby would help me onto the deck where I would sit for a while and have some delectable tidbit she had created… just sitting there would raise my feeling of well being and helped with the healing… every day I sat out longer and eventually could take the steps down to the garden where I would sit and soak up the peace and beauty…

before she left, she went on a quest to find a kettle that wasn’t too heavy so that I could make tea, and this is the one she found…

my perfect little electric kettle...

my perfect little electric kettle…

it is perfect, because it fills my carafe exactly… my other kettle was beautiful, but held about twice the water that was needed and so was also that much heavier…

my tea carafe...

my tea carafe…

really, how would I have managed without such good friends…  they are such a gift…

 

 

 

pills…

10 Sunday Mar 2013

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amazingly, this is my one hundredth blog post…

the counting thing reminded me of my morning routine, BGG (before George gone)…

I would get up, put the kettle on for tea and set out George’s pills…  we had these cute little pottery containers that his morning and evening pills would go into…  this was to be sure we/he didn’t forget to take them…

now, my morning routine is to get out my pills, take them and then make something for my breakfast, usually a smoothie, before heading out the door to work… I only put the kettle on and make tea on weekends…

little things, but quite the change…

and Sunday mornings we nearly always went out for breakfast… our two favourite spots were the “A” (Assiniboine Gordon Inn on the Park)

family breakfast at the "A"...

family breakfast at the “A”…

and The Park Cafe in the Qualico Family Centre at Assiniboine Park…

The Park Cafe...

The Park Cafe in the Qualico Family Centre…

both of these spots are a short drive/walk from home…  usually I would walk over and meet George there, and after breakfast, depending on the weather, we would take a walk through the English Gardens, or drive through the park…

often the kids would meet up with us…

breakfast at The Park Cafe...

breakfast at The Park Cafe…

I miss going out for breakfast…

currently I am taking an antibiotic with my evening meal… haven’t been doing such a great job of my dinners lately… need to get back to being organized so that there is something ready to make when I get home from work…

but Sunday dinner is always organized… tonight we are having country-style spare ribs, with little potatoes, asparagus and a salad… even have something for dessert…

looks like it is going to be a lovely day, the sun is shining and it is only -14…

holding hands…

09 Saturday Mar 2013

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saw a Facebook post that suggested holding hands with your sweetie… brought tears to my eyes…

reminded me of one of the things that I miss the most…  holding hands…

George and the boys...

George and the boys…

we held hands whenever we were out… walking into the store from the car, taking a walk in the park, on our way to the mall, walking down the sidewalk… even sitting beside one another in the house… 

sometimes the little boys will hold my hand…

used to make the girls gag when they were young, then as they got older, they thought it was cute…

he was the love of my life and I miss him and his hand…

holding hands...

holding hands…

quite the week…

08 Friday Mar 2013

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on our way home tonight the traffic was fairly heavy and as we came close to a large shopping mall I was telling my colleague about how there had been a vehicle stuck in the middle of the road, last Tuesday when I was coming home with my kids…

it was at that point that I realized it was just this Tuesday, the anniversary of George’s death, which felt like it had been weeks ago, not just three days ago…

I was shocked…

one of the last pictures I took before George died...

one of the last pictures I took before George died…

it really pointed out to me what a week it has been… Monday night with my BS friends, Tuesday the actual anniversary, Wednesday a staff meeting and running around to pick up items for the next day, Thursday a special event at work, and today a visit to the Legislature to celebrate International Women’s Day…

it really feels like it was ages ago… amazing how our body gets us through some of these things… I have been wearing those big girl pants all week without even realizing it…

no wonder that I was tired as the end of today approached… I have been numb…

I’ve been thinking that although the anniversary was very difficult to get through, it was much, much easier than the happenings of last year…

my beloved...

my beloved…

I have survived the loss of my beloved…

nature’s beauty…

07 Thursday Mar 2013

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a few days ago I took this picture with my phone as I was heading down the stairs… since then the temperate has been a bit warmer, the sun has been shining and sadly this effect on the pergola is gone…

lacy effect for a few short days...

lacy effect for a few short days…

sitting in the hot tub I have enjoyed the beauty of the snow… seems like mountains of it this year… at night it is particularly lovely…

I was very excited tonight as we turned down the street to discover that the huge ruts at the corner were gone… it had come to the point that my colleague who I ride with wasn’t able to take the turn for fear it would harm her vehicle… we had tried a couple of other routes, but the ruts have been gigantic and the bottom of her car has been rubbing all the way down the street… today the street is cleaned right to the concrete…

I’m hoping to see a bunny when I go out for a hot tub tonight… when the kids slept over they saw one late at night, eating seeds that the birds had tossed out of the feeder…  I often see bunnies in both gardens in the summer, but not during the winter…

been thinking of a couple of people who have or will be travelling today or tomorrow and hoping that the weather doesn’t cause any problems for them… some are travelling around the province, some to Saskatchewan and one to Asia… seems to be lots of coming and going in my life just now…

wonderful curled leaves, almost as if we'd used the scissors on them...

wonderful curled leaves, almost as if we’d used the scissors on them…

oopsie…

06 Wednesday Mar 2013

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usually my kids come for dinner on Sunday… a few times when we’ve had payday Chinese dinner on a Friday they haven’t…

early Sunday morning I dug out a chicken from the freezer and peeled potatoes, assuming they were coming, but wasn’t in touch with them…

just after noon I discovered that they wouldn’t be here but I carried on with making the roasted chicken and stuffing and mashed potatoes and gravy…

it was kind of lonely without them and very odd to eat this type of meal all on my own…

so, in the end we had leftover roast chicken and all the fixings for our dinner on Tuesday which worked out well as George and I both loved roast chicken…

been thinking about how hard the last few days have been, but really, they were no comparison to what we went through last year…

now that we have made it past the anniversary of George’s death, I am feeling a bit more relaxed and looking to enjoy what each day brings…

tonight I am enjoying the gift of blooms… usually this cactus only has one or two flowers…

tons of blooms in these days of moving forward...

tons of blooms in these days of moving forward…

what a day…

05 Tuesday Mar 2013

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this morning, as I sat at my desk trying to stay composed, my colleagues all gathered around my desk, and before they could say anything I was crying…  they were all wearing something purple, from clothing to pieces of jewellery… one had on a blue top which reminded me of how she mentally holds people in a blue blanket when they are in need of prayer…

colleagues wearing at least one purple item...

colleagues each wearing at least one purple item…

now you don’t see many pictures of me, but I am a bit purple-crazy… I nearly always wear something purple – have purple highlights in my hair, purple glasses, shoes, jackets, tops, etc, etc…

I was wearing a new top that one of them had given me the day before and she shared the story of going to one of her favourite stores and telling them she was looking for a purple top to wear for this day at work… everyone in the store went on a hunt to find her just the right piece of clothing, and then found something for me as well… and to top it off they gave her a bag of purple jewellery, in case someone didn’t have anything purple…  so now I have a collection of purple jewellery at my desk for days when people have a need to be purple-y…

it was a lovely gesture of solidarity on the part of my colleagues… I already knew that they were all thinking of me… it was a touching moment…

my kids picked me up from work and we stopped to get milkshakes to have with our dinner… George did enjoy a good milkshake… while we was warming up the leftover roast chicken, mashed potatoes, gravy, stuffing – and pepperoni pizza – a couple of the boys were outside snow blowing and shovelling…

leftover chicken and pizza... with milkshakes...

leftover chicken and pizza… with milkshakes…

Cyndi joined us by FaceTime from Calgary and we all had roast chicken leftovers for dinner… Ron joined us after we were finished by phone from Courtenay…  we gathered in the living room and remembered special things about Grandpa…

everyone would have given anything to have had him with us… we remembered his grumbling, playing in the garden without a shirt, cleaning up after dinner, snow blowing and shoveling, the way he could figure out exactly what was needed to complete a project, and just having him to talk with…  some could barely talk…

Cyndi and Ron with us to remember George...

Cyndi and Ron with us to remember George…

it was a wonderful collection of memories, and a great way to commemorate this day…

hard day, but good night…

04 Monday Mar 2013

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it has been a hard day but a good night… there were tears throughout…

friends and colleagues have been emailing and sending prayers and thoughts, which is wonderful, but also difficult…

although the anniversary of George’s death is tomorrow, it was on a Monday evening that he died…  my BS friends were at my house when the police came…

the officers drove me and one of my friends to the hospital advising that it appeared that George had suffered a heart attack and had been taken by ambulance to the hospital…  they didn’t know anything further…

the drive to the hospital was slow, which did make me wonder if they knew more than they were saying, and when we arrived the staff took us right through to the room where he was…  as soon as I walked into the room I knew that he was dead… they had intubated him and the tube wasn’t connected to anything…  I think the hospital people assumed the police had told me, but they hadn’t…

my friend stepped out and the doctor came to speak with me and advised that George had had a massive heart attack and they had done everything they could, but weren’t able to revive him…

then I had to call my daughters… thankfully the one here was home with her husband, so she had some support to receive such horrible news… my other daughter was home alone in BC, as her husband was across the country on a training course, and after we spoke she tried to find him but it took hours for her to be able to speak with him…  both calls were unbearable…

I remember everything from that evening and much from the following days…  I remember sending the email to those who needed to know… I remember way too much, and I forgot lots too…

we will commemorate this sad anniversary tomorrow night with dinner with all the kids…  the ones from away will be on Skype or Facetime so that we can be together…

I sit here with a piece of butter tart square (one of George’s favourites) and a little glass of Baileys after my BS buddies have gone home… the streets are deep with snow, but they came anyway and brought flowers and memories…

lovely flowers from my BS friends...

lovely flowers from my BS friends…

we talked about how George would often stand in the doorway to the living room to greet everyone before I would send him down to the basement so that we could have our time together… how when we had our dinner last week no one other than me could even mention him, but that everyone was thinking of him… how I had set the table so no one could sit in his place…

and the miracle that they were here with me when the police arrived…

we talked about the fact that a year has gone by but it also feels like just yesterday… and all the things that I have accomplished in that time…

I have grown tremendously in this past year, from necessity, but I remember my beloved every single day and all the special ways that he looked after me and those around me…

a year can go by in the blink of an eye…  remember to tell those around you how much you care…