tonight I stopped and picked up some fish and chips, which I have been craving for weeks… didn’t even put away my things when I got home… it was delicious…

have been really down for a while and it wasn’t until tonight when a friend called that I realized what the problem was…

another friend is turning 65 on Friday and tonight their family were having a come-and-go to celebrate…

when the invitation arrived I faced the fact that George would have been 65 last December… it didn’t mean much at the time, but this celebration kind of kicked me in the gut… don’t get me wrong, I’m glad our friend is having a great special birthday, but I’ve been stuck in my own pain…

we were invited to add a note to an online card and include a picture of our family… didn’t know what to do about that either… should the picture be of my family now or what my family used to be… In the end I sent a picture of our group… that seemed to take care of the request, but I am still trying to figure out who my family is…

things seem so mixed up right now… April second and the garden is filled with snow… I remember the year George died and how we were out working in the garden raking the grass in the middle of March, just a few weeks after…

apparently, you never know what will bring on the pain… as another friend said, likely I will have days like this for the rest of my life… hopefully they will come less often as time goes by…