Park Bench…

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was reading a blog about how, when this person looks at a park bench, they see love…

made me think about a picture that the Cyndi took of George and I the day of Crystal and Jeff’s wedding…

George and I looking out over the water...

George and I looking out over the water…

Jeff’s good friend and neighbour came up to us and said he thought it was wonderful that folks who had been married for so long could still cuddle on a park bench, and how seeing us in that moment helped make the day especially meaningful for him…

I had just been out of the hospital for a while, and was still feeling quite tired when I did too much… so we were taking a little break during the photographic extravaganza, and had sat down on the bench and were enjoying the view of the river…

I dug up the photo (thanks Ron for sending it!)… I think I will use it for my office coaster, which has been craving a new picture…

it also reminded me of one of the things that I miss most… holding George’s hand when walking down the street, through a store, or wherever… we always held hands and I really miss that…

it used to make the girls giggle in an embarassed way, but as they grew older, it made them giggle in a “how cute is that” way…

when I think about how much I miss my beloved, I am reminded of what an amazing life I had with him and how special that was…

I know the the future will be different, but I will always have him with me in my heart…

Resting Up…

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I’ve had a lovely, restFULL day… didn’t wake up too early, and started my day with a lovely hot tub – wasn’t even cold out there… I read and watched TV and took down Christmas ornaments… I also organized a small roast for tonight’s dinner with the kids…

Cyndi called a few times and we had a lovely chat… it is getting pretty exciting now that the trip is so close…

I have been gathering items to pack for Mexico, and yesterday picked up what I think are the last things… got a number of bits and pieces to entertain the boys on the plane, as 5 hours sounds like a very long time if there aren’t activities…

my cold seems to be getting better and my eye is coming along nicely… I plan to do a job or two each night so that when I start my vacation on Friday, I won’t be exhausted…

we made it through the shots very well on Saturday afternoon… Tavin didn’t even cry, although Gray did… this time my arm doesn’t hurt at all… I am wondering if it was the tetanus shot that caused the pain last time…

Gray's needle...

Gray’s needle…

Jeff arrived before Crystal and the boys, and we spent a while talking about suitcases because I’ve been in a quandary whether to take two small ones or one large one…  thanks to having him to brainstorm with – where is George when I need him – I have decided to take a big one and a small one, so will bring them upstairs later to start packing…  one might be filled with the snorkels and masks I am taking for everyone…

clothes all lined up...

clothes all lined up…

thinking how George would have been packing like a fiend, and would then have two or three additional piles of stuff that would have to be jammed in…  it was always fun to watch him pack a suitcase, although he was the best car packer I have ever seen…

Godly Play…

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I was talking with my friend last night… I call her Dobby, after the kitchen elf in Harry Potter… she is a wonderful friend…

she came and looked after me for the first week following my surgery and she was amazing…  she could find the most wonderful little snacks to encourage me to eat, at any time of the day…  she organized my fridge and freezer, and found just the right electric kettle that I could lift – I went through six weeks of not being able to lift anything over five pounds, and let me tell you, that means you can’t lift anything…

we were talking about the wooden figures that George had made for a number of folks with his scroll saw, and her patterns…  the figures and other items he made were beautiful…  he used various hardwoods which he searched out all over the city… we would think something up, she would draw a pattern, and George would produce it in no time at all, having found an appropriate wood, cut and then sanded and stained the pieces…  he always had to make at least two of each design (and sometimes three, one for another friend) so that I would have one and so would Dobby…

some of the wooden figures made by George...

some of the wooden figures made by George…

during Advent she had been setting up the wooden figures for church and thought about George each time she picked one up… tonight I called her because I couldn’t find any pictures of the pieces and while we chatted she sent the picture above…

his favourite comment to her was “I used to like you” referring to the fact that she was always coming up with new things for him to make… which, in fact, he loved to do, but not without some ribbing…

this was the first year that I hadn’t put out that particular nativity… usually I have 4 or 5 set up around the house, but only put out the stained glass set this time…

it also reminded me of the wonderful stories that she and Deborah told at George’s memorial service… once I asked them to lead the service, I was able to let it go completely, as they knew exactly what George and I would appreciate…

they talked about the various pieces of George’s life – his hospitality, his green hand, his creativity (including stories about the wooden figures) and his humour and love…

it was a wonderful send off for a very special person…

Complications…

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this morning I received a phone call at 7:36 am… I was a bit worried when I answered it – usually phone calls that early don’t bode well…  it was a woman from Canada Employment Insurance who I had been playing telephone tag with for a few weeks…

I had received a letter from her a number of weeks ago, stating that I had not provided correct information about how much CPP I was collecting while I was on EI following my surgery in July…  the letter had felt rather threatening, mentioning they might grab back a portion of what they had paid me while I was off work…

she had left a message during our tag game and it sounded like she was saying that, in fact, they had underpaid me, but that didn’t seem to go with the letter so I was confused…

usually I wouldn’t be home at 7:36, but because I had a 9 am doctor’s appointment I was still here…  she advised that they really did owe me money – $10 to be exact, and she would do all the necessary paperwork and a cheque would be sent, in due course… which means in a number of weeks…

it brought back memories of July, 2010, when I ended up in the hospital with pancreatitis and then had my gall bladder removed… we were planning to head to BC to visit Cyndi and Ron for our vacation the day after I landed in the hospital…

it was a very stress-filled time and George used his whole vacation time to sit by my bed and try to help me any way he could… I was very sick and for six weeks couldn’t eat or drink anything and was throwing up all the time… not really much fun to be around…  finally I was well enough to have the gall bladder surgery and a few days after the surgery it was our 40th wedding anniversary…

my beloved brought me 40 roses in a beautiful arrangement… I have just searched the computer but can’t find pictures of them… (6Jan13 – Cyndi sent me some pics of the flowers and I am added them here!).

the kleenex box shows how big the basket was...

the Kleenex box shows how big the basket was…

all of that made me think back to the EI process we went through then… I had used up all my sick leave, vacation time and overtime before I applied for EI and got it fairly soon after applying… it came in very handy as I was off work for nearly three months and toward the end of that time Crystal got married…

this time when I knew I was going to have surgery I had been in touch with the EI folks and got instructions on what to do ahead of time…  so, like they told me, I applied for EI the day I went on sick leave and completed the necessary online forms… nothing went right from that moment… each time I would speak to someone, or complete a form, I would be advised to call… I would call only to get a recording saying call back, which I did, many times…  when I would finally get a human on the other end of the phone, they would say to do something completely different than the previous person had advised…  this went on throughout the whole time I was off and trying to collect the EI…  to make it even more confusing I was getting CPP as a survivor and then began collecting myself…

whew…  so it was good to have this woman contact me with the information that I hadn’t done anything wrong, or entered incorrect information… it was their little mistake…

so I will watch the mail for that $10 cheque…

40 roses to celebrate 40 years...

40 roses to celebrate 40 years…

Eyes…

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the very last picture I took of George was of his eye… he was a week post cataract surgery and I had put drops in his eye for him and took a few close ups of the eye which he could now see perfectly with… he found getting the drops very difficult and it made me laugh because I’ve been putting drops in my eyes for over a year and didn’t jump every time like he did…

tonight I am wishing he was here to look after me…  I have had an eye infection for about 10 days now and have been giving myself drops for a number of those days… today I went to the doctor again, because the infection appears to be coming back…

he is sending me to see a specialist from the hospital where George had his eye surgery…

on top of that I am struggling with a cold and feeling under the weather… if George were here, he would have brought me something warm to drink, made sure I had something to eat and tucked me in…

so, I am going to bed with a hot drink and will see the specialist in the morning… we don’t have many days before we leave for Mexico so I better start feeling well very soon…

angel tree...

angel tree…

this picture is one we took the day before George died…  we drove around the Park and neighbourhood so that I could get some pictures of the beautiful snow, and came across this tree which reminded both of us of an angel…

Funny…

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I’m sitting here in the living room watching the Kodak Pulse electronic picture frame… it has pictures I’ve put on it, as well as ones that others have emailed directly to it… it has a very random shuffle and sometimes I won’t see a picture for ages and then might see it three or four times in rapid succession…

I often look up and see George looking at me through two coasters, or maybe they are napkin rings, from a visit with Cyndi and Ron a couple of years ago…  it is a very funny picture and certainly reminds me of the humour that George shared with me and everyone else he connected with…

perfect example of George's wonderful silliness...

perfect example of George’s wonderful silliness…

recently a friend put up pictures on Facebook of her dogs with hats on, and it made me laugh, remembering all the times that George would go crazy with whatever hats happened to be around…

we have put lots of pictures of George onto the frame and when the boys are over we often go to the Grandpa Playlist so they can see Grandpa and we can remember the stories that went along with the pictures…

he was so funny… what  special man he was…

A new day…

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woke up happy this morning… a new year with much to anticipate and wonderful moments to savour…

I spent a lovely hour or so setting the table with all the fancy stuff – silver pheasant salt and pepper shakers that my mother brought to my grandmother when she returned from the war, chargers that Cyndi and Ron searched out just before they left Winnipeg, a flower plate that Ron gave me, beautiful salad dishes that George and I purchased many years ago… it was lovely to choose them and set the table in all its finery… I also added Christmas Crackers as that was a new tradition that Cyndi started, so it was a way to have both she and Ron at the table with us…

table all set...

table all set…

I was thinking back to one of our family’s New Year traditions – first footing… for us, it meant that at midnight on New Year’s Eve my dad, who had dark hair, would jump in the car and drive around to all our aunts and uncles and grandparents’ houses and take them an offering – it always included coal, bread and sometimes oranges and a little drink of something…  I also remember how my dad would have to search out new coal every year because no one ever kept it from year to year…

for many years I was the first footer, as my hair was darker than George’s… and then our kids started to follow the tradition for us, but usually just when they would arrive for dinner on New Year’s Day…  this year Tavin and I made a plan that he would be the one to act as the first footer… we put together a bag with coal (which the girls, George and I gathered along the shore of PEI or the Bay of Fundy and have carefully saved), an orange, and a tiny bottle of Baileys…  he took the bag home with him on Sunday when they were here…  on Monday they stopped by and when we shopped we bought a few buns, which I recommended they add to the bag…

today, before they left home, he reminded his parents’ about the bag and was sure they added the buns to it…

first footing goodies...

first footing goodies…

when they arrived here, he was very proud to be the first one to cross the threshold and bring his grandma good luck for the new year…

when I Googled first footing, it mentioned that it usually happened right after midnight, so I was giggling thinking how we have made a slight variation on the tradition, but I am also thrilled with how special it made Tavin feel…  I also laughed because I didn’t take a picture, even though I had thought I would write about this…

we had a lovely time together and enjoyed a great dinner…

ready to gobble up the wonderful dinner...

ready to gobble up the wonderful dinner…

we are now counting down the days until we leave for Mexico…

Missing George…

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today was fairly good… I had an early hot tub, even though it was minus thirty-four or some such thing, because I just had to have one last one in 2012… the boys came over, Jeff added water to the hot tub, and we went grocery shopping…

usually on New Year’s Eve, George would have barbecued steak and lobster for dinner… as the kids were having a party, I decided we should have the special dinner tomorrow night, so no one would have to do any rushing around… George would barbecue on a regular basis and I miss that… I am going to have to put on those big girl pants and do it myself one of these days…

while we were out I bought some nice stuffed scallops, fresh asparagus and mushrooms for my supper…  I anticipated that the evening would be a little sad, but didn’t really feel like being around partying people…

this year's New Year's Eve dinner...

this year’s New Year’s Eve dinner…

had my dinner and have just been watching the fireworks which our Community Club has on New Year’s Eve…  often we would be watching TV and one of us would hear the sound, and we would stand together in the dining room watching them out the window…  tonight I did that on my own…

fireworks through the window...

fireworks through the window…

I am saying farewell to a rough year, and trying hard to look toward the excitement and new things that will be 2013… I look forward to tomorrow and starting new traditions with my family… fancy dinner on New Year’s Day… family vacation… who knows what else…

I have come through the death of my beloved, a cancer diagnosis, big surgery and a long recovery…  now I am healthy and surrounded by people who care about me… I continue to be blessed…

if I awake at midnight I will toast my beloved, the past and coming year, and maybe speak with my girls… if not, I will start the new year in the morning with a smile…

may your New Year be filled with precious moments and much love and laughter…

Relaxing…

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another lovely relaxing day…

got up, had some tea and watched a bit of TV… then I put on a few layers of clothing and headed over to the Park to meet some great women for brunch… enjoyed Eggs Benedict and wonderful conversation…

yummy Eggs Benedict at The Park Cafe...

yummy Eggs Benedict at The Park Cafe…

hadn’t seen these good women for quite a while, and was glad to be able to catch up on their lives… we have all gone through some tough times and compared this year’s Christmas stories…   I miss George enormously, but I shared how I can decide to do something, and I don’t have to get anyone else’s input – this can be a benefit sometimes…

bridge through the trees...

bridge through the trees…

on my way home I stopped and took a few pictures, and although it was overcast they came out fairly well… a few of them were of a favourite tree in the Park that we love to enjoy during the various seasons…

winter view of tree with snow on it...

winter view of tree with snow on it…

Crystal and the boys came over for supper and we had a good time, particularly when we got to eat some more of the demolished chocolate Christmas tree… I also got to hug someone I hadn’t seen for a while…

life is amazingly good, and today I enjoyed each moment…

Lovely Day…

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had a lovely day… did a few Saturday chores around the house, and went to get my hair purpled… interesting how some things are fine for me to do and other require the big girl pants… I missed George today because he could always see the purple better than I could, and would let me know how it looked…

fresh for the New Year and Mexico...

fresh for the New Year and Mexico…

started reading a new book and played with the TV a bit…

I am learning to use the PVR, sort of… it was just installed a few weeks ago and when the person showed me how it worked, it all seemed very straightforward, but it seems a bit more difficult now, than it appeared then…

lots of buttons to choose from...

lots of buttons to choose from…

I do love technology, and have been learning a few tricks on how to work it all… I have finally got it so that only the channels I actually have come up in the menu, which is quite lovely…  I have also programmed all the HD channels I have…  we won’t talk about the number of questions that my 12 year old grandson and family have answered lately, lol…

I have PVRed two programs on purpose, and one completely by mistake, and I still haven’t figured out how to stop it from taping that series every time it is on, but I’ll figure it out, sooner or later…

this would have driven George crazy, because he would have left all the channels on the menu and scrolled for ages to get through everything… he would also have fiddled with it until it worked…

a little while ago I had a lovely glass of Harveys Bristol Cream, and poppycock (which my friend made me for Christmas) while reading the book I started at Fazes today… I am reading it using Kobo on my iPhone and it is going very well… for the last while before I changed to the iPhone, I wasn’t able to use Kobo on my Blackberry, so I am very happy about this…

for a few years we didn’t have any alcohol in the house as George wasn’t able to drink due to his heart condition, and sometimes I feel like I am cheating on him when I have a glass of something, but tonight I was able to enjoy the treat, without any guilt…

step in the right direction, I guess…