Quiet…

28 Friday Dec 2012

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been a quiet few days… spent one day in the house, tidying and putting presents away…

next day I took the decorations off the Norfolk Pine, as another one fell and broke overnight… I also went out to have my eye looked at, got a flu shot, stopped for prescriptions at the drug store, and had my hair cut… I am enjoying the time away from work and look forward to the next few days of quiet as well…

I picked up a few items we might need in Mexico, and began collecting things in one spot to go into the suitcase…

starting collection for the suitcase...

starting collection for the suitcase…

I am looking forward to spending time with all my kids in a warm and relaxing environment…  George would have been so happy that we were taking a family trip…  I am sure his spirit will be with us…

today have had a pounding headache since this afternoon… wondering if it is from the flu shot…

went shopping with the kids… wandered through Ikea, and then picked up a shovel at Rona – took them some chocolates and nuts… George would have liked that…

since then I have been laying on the bed, trying to get over the headache… been a long time since I have had one… makes me think back to the years when I suffered from migraine on a regular basis, luckily not the real serious ones, but debilitating, nonetheless…

George would look after me, doing the little things he could to help… filling the bathtub with hot water, bringing cold cloths for my head… dealing with the girls…

tonight I think I will go out for a hot tub and remember my beloved…

Baking…

27 Thursday Dec 2012

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had a lovely evening out the other night… was invited for dinner and decorating with a young friend whose partner works away… we had a wonderful time decorating the tree and a few other spots in the living room, between snacks, dinner, and drinks… it is always fun to see what others have for decorations and learn traditions they follow…

tree once we were done...

tree once we were done…

it reminded me of all the years where the girls and I would prepare ornaments to hang on the tree, which we would then give to guests as they left our home… we made a wide variety of things over the years, often using cookie cutters and play dough, cinnamon and applesauce, or actual sugar cookies that we would recommend not be eaten… at some point I got kind of lazy and began hanging candy canes, which would then be offered to guests as they left…

I brought a few sugar cookies that I had made and she was commenting on how wonderful they tasted… I can’t even think how many I have made, not so much recently, but over the years while the girls were in school, every occasion meant that sugar cookies would be taken to their classrooms… and later for office functions or gatherings that I was attending…

Crystal was telling me she gets lots of compliments when she makes them as well…

the recipe was my Mom’s or maybe even my Grandma’s, I can’t remember… I’m not sure if it is the recipe, or the love that gets baked into them that makes them taste so delicious…

Lego…

26 Wednesday Dec 2012

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last year, for Advent, Cyndi sent muffin tins filled with 24 treats… this year she sent the items to my office, and my colleagues put them into the tins…

over the 24 days I have received 3 muffin cups full of purple and pink Lego… I made a train-ish thing with the first pieces and kind of added to it when the second batch of pieces arrived, but I hadn’t done anything with the last batch…

train-ish thing I made...

train-ish thing I made…

a few days ago I brought all the pieces together and asked Tavin, when he was here, if he’d like to make something… he’s pretty into Lego these days…

final batch of Lego pieces...

final batch of Lego pieces…

I was making dinner while he was working away, and had just sat down when he advised he was done, and brought me his creation so I could check it out and then take a picture to send to Aunty Cyndi…

“here it is Grandma, the little space is for Grandpa’s ashes” he said, “as we haven’t buried them, this could be a spot in the garden to spread some of them”… “we should put some of the others in places Grandpa loved”… have I mentioned he is seven…

Lego house with place for Grandpa's ashes...

Lego house with place for Grandpa’s ashes…

on Christmas Eve at their house, he showed me a Lego creation he had produced there and advised that this one also had a place for Grandpa’s ashes…

we both miss Grandpa, a lot…

Christmas…

25 Tuesday Dec 2012

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it was a good day…

early morning tree...

early morning tree…

I slept fairly well and, of course, was the first to wake up… at 8 I started to move around the kitchen, sort of encouraging others to get the heck up…

stockings were full...

stockings were full…

we opened presents and then Skyped with Cyndi and Ron and opened a few presents with them…

everyone received an abundance of wonderful gifts (a lot of electronics this year) and we spent a good part of the day learning how to use them…

new tablets...

new tablets…

Jeff made us all breakfast and we continued playing with our toys…

we all came home in time to pop the turkey into the oven, have a snack, and play some more with all the fun things we’d received…

fun with the Leap Pad...

fun with the Leap Pad…

spoke with family and friends on the phone but wasn’t able to wish anyone a Merry Christmas… maybe I will be able to do that next year…

we've been waiting since the start of Advent to eat this tree...

we’ve been waiting since the start of Advent to eat this tree…

we had lots of fun… after supper we broke the chocolate Christmas tree and ate some of it for dessert after Jeff and I had a lovely hot tub… once the kids left I had a short nap and am enjoying the quiet house…

thinking of all the wonderful times we have celebrated Christmas in this house over the years, and how blessed I am even now…

Christmas Eve…

24 Monday Dec 2012

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well, here we are, Christmas Eve…

I spent a fair part of the day preparing for tomorrow`s dinner… turnips are in one pot, potatoes in another… stuffing is made – only needed one type this year as Ron won`t be here… homemade cranberry jelly prepared and cooling in the fridge…

now there`s an example of a change… George really only liked Ocean Spray Cranberry Jelly, so I didn`t usually make the homemade version… it came out very well, and I blended it with the purple immersion blender – thinking of my friend Ted, and an experience we had a number of years ago with an immersion blender… ham was cooked and in the fridge, and spinach dip was ready to take…

a friend stopped by just when I was feeling a bit down… she said it will be different but good as well…  I had just been thinking that I hadn`t been away from the house for Christmas eve in over 30 years…

Jeff and the boys came to get me and I almost couldn`t leave, but I put on those darn big girl pants and got into the car along with various bags of goodies and the final gifts… as we drove tears were falling from my eyes, and my dear son-in-law held my hand for a good part of the trip…

as soon as we arrived, the boys insisted that my stocking be added to theirs… they were very excited that I was sleeping over…

stockings were hung by the fire with care...

stockings were hung by the fire with care…

Crystal gave each of the boys a small ornament to hang on the tree… one said Isabella, for George`s mom; one said Ellen, for our dear friend and neighbour; and one for George…

George, added to the tree...

George, added to the tree…

we had appetizers for our dinner, and I talked with Cyndi on the phone…  the boys got into their new Christmas jammies and put out cookies and chocolate milk for Santa…

cookies and chocolate milk for Santa...

cookies and chocolate milk for Santa…

two of the three are in bed, and possibly, asleep…  we`ve been watching Santa`s progress on an app on my phone and he was last seen heading for Newfoundland…

I am thinking of some of my friends, who have recently lost loved ones, and hope that they too are finding some joy amongst the sadness…

there are many presents under the tree… we will see how the morning goes…

Wrapping…

23 Sunday Dec 2012

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well, now I know why I’d been putting the wrapping off…

I gathered all the packages from the couple of locations where I had been storing/hiding them, and brought everything to the dining room table… had some great paper from Costco this year, a lovely snowflake theme in whites, blues and silvers… this will go beautifully with Crystal’s tree…

had to search for quite a while before I found the gift tags… took some time to decide on which paper would work for whom, and then began the actual wrapping…

the wrapping went well… I even got fancy with ribbon… then I had to write the first tag…

“love Mom”…

hadn’t anticipated the shock… my eyes welled up and I thought about all the parcels that I had made tags for over the last 40 years…

oh my, I miss my beloved…

so, after a little pity party, I moved on and finished wrapping and tagging the gifts…

collection of gifts for Christmas...

collection of gifts for Christmas…

I also realize that I have focused on my immediately family with a very few exceptions… again, this is not my norm, but apparently there will be a number of differences this year… maybe tomorrow I will make some more sugar cookies for those who I have let drop off the list…

the kids came over, and we went Christmas pajama shopping for everyone… we returned home, had dinner and looked at things we might do while in Mexico…

then they were gone, and the house returned to a quiet peace-filled space… tonight it does feel peaceful, not empty like yesterday…

interesting…

Emptiness…

22 Saturday Dec 2012

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been a busy day… well, the morning was… I did a few chores around the house, and then Crystal and the little boys picked me up and we went grocery shopping for Christmas Eve and Christmas dinner…

when we got to the grocery store both boys wanted to hold my hand… this is a bit endearing for me, because when Grandpa was alive, they would have been holding his hand and I would have been walking along behind…

the boys loved to help Grandpa...

the boys loved to help Grandpa…

these moments are precious and made the shopping very special… they are also very busy and three adults with the two of them would have been a slightly better ratio… we shopped at Safeway for the dinner, and stopped at M&M for the treats for Christmas Eve… when we got back, everyone came in for a few minutes to scarf down their lunch and bring in the groceries, before blasting off to the next errand on their list…

I had some lunch and then a nap… I had plans to wrap gifts but ended up laying on the bed for the remainder of the day… the house is feeling empty just now… I am missing the comings and goings of my mate… I haven’t noticed this feeling in recent weeks but as Christmas gets closer, I guess it makes sense…

sadly, I am thinking of many others I know who are facing this Christmas with one less person in their lives… I am sending thoughts and prayers their way and hoping they will be able to find some joy during these special days…

before, all of the kids would come to our house on Christmas Eve and everyone would sleep over, there would be people everywhere… we would get up early and open our presents all together… this year, I am going to the kids’ on Christmas Eve  to sleep over and we will open our presents there… Cyndi and Ron will be together in BC and we may Skype with them as presents are opened, although it will be very early for them…

we will come back here in time to put the turkey in the oven and will likely hot tub and play games on the TV ending up with dinner…

it all feels different and strange to me, but I am sure it will be wonderFULL… I’ll keep you posted, lol…

Peace…

21 Friday Dec 2012

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been getting a few Christmas cards in the mail…

this year most are mentioning that people are thinking of me, particularly without George, this year… it always surprises me when people send cards, because if you know me, you know you aren’t going to be receiving one from me, so I am always amazed when people send them anyway…

I often save cards, if they happen to have a picture of one of the Christmas things I collect… which could be trees, snow people, santas, nativities, stars, reindeer, sleighs, angels… I think that covers most of them… my favourites are often snow flakes… they are so individual but complicated… much like people…

we’ve had lots of snow lately and much of it has been the soft, fluffy kind which is also very peace-full… something about the way it falls and then causes a silence that you can hear… everything is muffled in the quiet…

yesterday I received a beautiful card with a dove on it (I collect doves too)… it was quite stunning and brought peace to mind…

it made me think of how filled with peace my life is… George left me secure with a pension, paid off home, a few dollars in the bank, the knowledge of how to do many things, or if not, who to contact for help…

by Amnesty International...

by Amnesty International…

in today’s mail I received the tickets for a trip to Mexico, where I am taking our children and grandchildren, thanks to George…  I anticipate that we will have a wonderful time and imagine how thrilled he would be that we are enjoying this once-in-a-lifetime family vacation, because of his planning…

truly, I am blessed…

Hospitality…

20 Thursday Dec 2012

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sitting in the living room in the dark, except for the glowing Christmas trees on the fish tank, I remember my love… he would have either been excited that Christmas was coming, or grumpy because things weren’t all done…

the stained glass, trees, fish and snail...

the stained glass, trees, fish and snail…

going to Morden’s would be on his list, because it wouldn’t be Christmas without Morden’s chocolates as one of my, and the girls, gifts… he would also pick chocolate and nuts up for my work and his work… tomorrow I am going to Morden’s because we need that chocolate, and so I have to put on the big girl pants… I am going with a lovely young woman who makes me smile…

we had a number of celebrations at the office today…  it was one person’s birthday, and another colleague’s last day, as she is leaving to pursue her dreams, so we had a small gathering to say farewell… and at the end of the day, we toasted the wonderful year we have had…  the people I work with come from many backgrounds and are quite amazing… every day I am happy to get up and go into the workplace… how wonderful is that…

yesterday I talked about how I missed having George to bounce things off of… today has been the first full cycle of him not being around for that type of conversation… the day he died I learned something and was waiting to talk with him about it, and today, it came to pass…  hard to believe he has been gone so long… there would have been a number of conversations in the hot tub as I worked through my feelings…

watching people sharing reminds me so much of George, who was generous with me and everyone he came into contact with…  I have watched the girls grow up and follow in his footsteps with their generosity… whether it is with things, time, spirit or hospitality they share with others…

what a legacy…

Teary…

19 Wednesday Dec 2012

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having a day… feeling like I will burst into tears at any moment… not sure what it is about but likely something to do with the season and missing George…

before, if I was having a moment, or a day, I would give him a call and we would talk about poor me, get to the place where we could laugh about it, and eventually, I would feel better…

today a colleague tried hard to perk me up, but that just wasn’t happening…

maybe it has to do with the fact that yesterday I received a throw/blanket in the mail that I had ordered online for my grandsons… it consisted of a picture of George and the boys as they were walking to breakfast on a summer day in 2011…

memory of a wonderful weekend spent with the boys...

memory of a wonderful weekend spent with the boys…

I was going to give it to them as a Christmas present but then thought it might make them sad, so gave it to them last night when we were together and they loved it… I was also worried that my daughter would respond tearily, which she did, and I didn’t want that to put a damper on Christmas day… although not sure who I am kidding… likely there will be a damper on Christmas this year…

as the day progressed my mood improved, and after a quiet evening watching tv, napping and having a lovely hot tub, I am feeling much more positive about life…

what a difference a few hours can make in your life…