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Tag Archives: beloved

Park Bench…

07 Monday Jan 2013

Posted by sulis303 in Uncategorized

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amazing life, beloved, holding hands, in my heart, love, meaningful, park bench

was reading a blog about how, when this person looks at a park bench, they see love…

made me think about a picture that the Cyndi took of George and I the day of Crystal and Jeff’s wedding…

George and I looking out over the water...

George and I looking out over the water…

Jeff’s good friend and neighbour came up to us and said he thought it was wonderful that folks who had been married for so long could still cuddle on a park bench, and how seeing us in that moment helped make the day especially meaningful for him…

I had just been out of the hospital for a while, and was still feeling quite tired when I did too much… so we were taking a little break during the photographic extravaganza, and had sat down on the bench and were enjoying the view of the river…

I dug up the photo (thanks Ron for sending it!)… I think I will use it for my office coaster, which has been craving a new picture…

it also reminded me of one of the things that I miss most… holding George’s hand when walking down the street, through a store, or wherever… we always held hands and I really miss that…

it used to make the girls giggle in an embarassed way, but as they grew older, it made them giggle in a “how cute is that” way…

when I think about how much I miss my beloved, I am reminded of what an amazing life I had with him and how special that was…

I know the the future will be different, but I will always have him with me in my heart…

Complications…

04 Friday Jan 2013

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anniversary, beloved, complications, Employment Insurance, sick leave, telephone tag

this morning I received a phone call at 7:36 am… I was a bit worried when I answered it – usually phone calls that early don’t bode well…  it was a woman from Canada Employment Insurance who I had been playing telephone tag with for a few weeks…

I had received a letter from her a number of weeks ago, stating that I had not provided correct information about how much CPP I was collecting while I was on EI following my surgery in July…  the letter had felt rather threatening, mentioning they might grab back a portion of what they had paid me while I was off work…

she had left a message during our tag game and it sounded like she was saying that, in fact, they had underpaid me, but that didn’t seem to go with the letter so I was confused…

usually I wouldn’t be home at 7:36, but because I had a 9 am doctor’s appointment I was still here…  she advised that they really did owe me money – $10 to be exact, and she would do all the necessary paperwork and a cheque would be sent, in due course… which means in a number of weeks…

it brought back memories of July, 2010, when I ended up in the hospital with pancreatitis and then had my gall bladder removed… we were planning to head to BC to visit Cyndi and Ron for our vacation the day after I landed in the hospital…

it was a very stress-filled time and George used his whole vacation time to sit by my bed and try to help me any way he could… I was very sick and for six weeks couldn’t eat or drink anything and was throwing up all the time… not really much fun to be around…  finally I was well enough to have the gall bladder surgery and a few days after the surgery it was our 40th wedding anniversary…

my beloved brought me 40 roses in a beautiful arrangement… I have just searched the computer but can’t find pictures of them… (6Jan13 – Cyndi sent me some pics of the flowers and I am added them here!).

the kleenex box shows how big the basket was...

the Kleenex box shows how big the basket was…

all of that made me think back to the EI process we went through then… I had used up all my sick leave, vacation time and overtime before I applied for EI and got it fairly soon after applying… it came in very handy as I was off work for nearly three months and toward the end of that time Crystal got married…

this time when I knew I was going to have surgery I had been in touch with the EI folks and got instructions on what to do ahead of time…  so, like they told me, I applied for EI the day I went on sick leave and completed the necessary online forms… nothing went right from that moment… each time I would speak to someone, or complete a form, I would be advised to call… I would call only to get a recording saying call back, which I did, many times…  when I would finally get a human on the other end of the phone, they would say to do something completely different than the previous person had advised…  this went on throughout the whole time I was off and trying to collect the EI…  to make it even more confusing I was getting CPP as a survivor and then began collecting myself…

whew…  so it was good to have this woman contact me with the information that I hadn’t done anything wrong, or entered incorrect information… it was their little mistake…

so I will watch the mail for that $10 cheque…

40 roses to celebrate 40 years...

40 roses to celebrate 40 years…

Quiet…

28 Friday Dec 2012

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beloved, headache, migraine, preparing, quiet, trip

been a quiet few days… spent one day in the house, tidying and putting presents away…

next day I took the decorations off the Norfolk Pine, as another one fell and broke overnight… I also went out to have my eye looked at, got a flu shot, stopped for prescriptions at the drug store, and had my hair cut… I am enjoying the time away from work and look forward to the next few days of quiet as well…

I picked up a few items we might need in Mexico, and began collecting things in one spot to go into the suitcase…

starting collection for the suitcase...

starting collection for the suitcase…

I am looking forward to spending time with all my kids in a warm and relaxing environment…  George would have been so happy that we were taking a family trip…  I am sure his spirit will be with us…

today have had a pounding headache since this afternoon… wondering if it is from the flu shot…

went shopping with the kids… wandered through Ikea, and then picked up a shovel at Rona – took them some chocolates and nuts… George would have liked that…

since then I have been laying on the bed, trying to get over the headache… been a long time since I have had one… makes me think back to the years when I suffered from migraine on a regular basis, luckily not the real serious ones, but debilitating, nonetheless…

George would look after me, doing the little things he could to help… filling the bathtub with hot water, bringing cold cloths for my head… dealing with the girls…

tonight I think I will go out for a hot tub and remember my beloved…

Wrapping…

23 Sunday Dec 2012

Posted by sulis303 in Uncategorized

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beloved, differences, gift tags, immediate family, interesting, parcels, peaceful, pity party, shock, wrapping

well, now I know why I’d been putting the wrapping off…

I gathered all the packages from the couple of locations where I had been storing/hiding them, and brought everything to the dining room table… had some great paper from Costco this year, a lovely snowflake theme in whites, blues and silvers… this will go beautifully with Crystal’s tree…

had to search for quite a while before I found the gift tags… took some time to decide on which paper would work for whom, and then began the actual wrapping…

the wrapping went well… I even got fancy with ribbon… then I had to write the first tag…

“love Mom”…

hadn’t anticipated the shock… my eyes welled up and I thought about all the parcels that I had made tags for over the last 40 years…

oh my, I miss my beloved…

so, after a little pity party, I moved on and finished wrapping and tagging the gifts…

collection of gifts for Christmas...

collection of gifts for Christmas…

I also realize that I have focused on my immediately family with a very few exceptions… again, this is not my norm, but apparently there will be a number of differences this year… maybe tomorrow I will make some more sugar cookies for those who I have let drop off the list…

the kids came over, and we went Christmas pajama shopping for everyone… we returned home, had dinner and looked at things we might do while in Mexico…

then they were gone, and the house returned to a quiet peace-filled space… tonight it does feel peaceful, not empty like yesterday…

interesting…

Struggling…

18 Tuesday Dec 2012

Posted by sulis303 in Uncategorized

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beloved, cancer, dying, gift, journey, life is a gift, savour each moment, struggles

a few people I know are struggling with family situations… often it is with mom or dad, or even a spouse who is not well and needs care, but don’t necessarily want it…

I remember when my mom was dying and in Princess Elizabeth Hospital… I watched a dozen people move into and out of her four bed ward while she was there… it seemed if they didn’t have family who came regularly to see them, that they would soon be drugged and basically sleep through whatever time they had left… I was in the amazing position of not working so I could be with her every day… it was a special time… we had the opportunity to say all the things we felt and grew close over those last months…

she was dying of esophageal cancer, which spread to her brain… the radiation treatments she had before being transferred from Grace Hospital slowed the brain cancer and kept her basically pain free, until the end… she had smoked all her life, but stopped for a few months once she went into hospital… but while she was in the palliative care ward she started to smoke again – in those days, there was a room that you could smoke in, not like today… many thought she was nuts, but it was really the only thing she had control over… everything else was decided by someone else: when she would eat, sleep, take meds, get dressed, washed… basically everything… and really, she was dying anyway, what difference would a few cigarettes make…

I was blessed with the time and space to be able to be with her every day and it was truly a gift to walk that final journey with her… as difficult as it was, I wouldn’t give up one moment…

she came home for Christmas that final time, and we had a great day…  she wanted to stay here to die, but I didn’t think that the girls could handle it at the time, so took her back to the hospital the day after Christmas…  she died two days later…  I climbed into her bed and held her as she took her last breath…

walking the halls of St. Boniface...

walking the halls of St. Boniface…

George was with me, as he always was in times of trauma and difficulty… my best friend and beloved…

I hope that I will be able to hear when my kids are telling me I need to make changes in my life, and I hope that they will be able to hear me…

all of this reminds me again how important every moment we have is…  whether we are experiencing the highs of life, or the lows…  they each need to be savoured…  life is a gift and it is important to enjoy every second…

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