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~ the new reality of a "70 something"

herbiggirlpants

Tag Archives: beloved

Quiet…

28 Friday Dec 2012

Posted by sulis303 in Uncategorized

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beloved, headache, migraine, preparing, quiet, trip

been a quiet few days… spent one day in the house, tidying and putting presents away…

next day I took the decorations off the Norfolk Pine, as another one fell and broke overnight… I also went out to have my eye looked at, got a flu shot, stopped for prescriptions at the drug store, and had my hair cut… I am enjoying the time away from work and look forward to the next few days of quiet as well…

I picked up a few items we might need in Mexico, and began collecting things in one spot to go into the suitcase…

starting collection for the suitcase...

starting collection for the suitcase…

I am looking forward to spending time with all my kids in a warm and relaxing environment…  George would have been so happy that we were taking a family trip…  I am sure his spirit will be with us…

today have had a pounding headache since this afternoon… wondering if it is from the flu shot…

went shopping with the kids… wandered through Ikea, and then picked up a shovel at Rona – took them some chocolates and nuts… George would have liked that…

since then I have been laying on the bed, trying to get over the headache… been a long time since I have had one… makes me think back to the years when I suffered from migraine on a regular basis, luckily not the real serious ones, but debilitating, nonetheless…

George would look after me, doing the little things he could to help… filling the bathtub with hot water, bringing cold cloths for my head… dealing with the girls…

tonight I think I will go out for a hot tub and remember my beloved…

Wrapping…

23 Sunday Dec 2012

Posted by sulis303 in Uncategorized

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beloved, differences, gift tags, immediate family, interesting, parcels, peaceful, pity party, shock, wrapping

well, now I know why I’d been putting the wrapping off…

I gathered all the packages from the couple of locations where I had been storing/hiding them, and brought everything to the dining room table… had some great paper from Costco this year, a lovely snowflake theme in whites, blues and silvers… this will go beautifully with Crystal’s tree…

had to search for quite a while before I found the gift tags… took some time to decide on which paper would work for whom, and then began the actual wrapping…

the wrapping went well… I even got fancy with ribbon… then I had to write the first tag…

“love Mom”…

hadn’t anticipated the shock… my eyes welled up and I thought about all the parcels that I had made tags for over the last 40 years…

oh my, I miss my beloved…

so, after a little pity party, I moved on and finished wrapping and tagging the gifts…

collection of gifts for Christmas...

collection of gifts for Christmas…

I also realize that I have focused on my immediately family with a very few exceptions… again, this is not my norm, but apparently there will be a number of differences this year… maybe tomorrow I will make some more sugar cookies for those who I have let drop off the list…

the kids came over, and we went Christmas pajama shopping for everyone… we returned home, had dinner and looked at things we might do while in Mexico…

then they were gone, and the house returned to a quiet peace-filled space… tonight it does feel peaceful, not empty like yesterday…

interesting…

Struggling…

18 Tuesday Dec 2012

Posted by sulis303 in Uncategorized

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beloved, cancer, dying, gift, journey, life is a gift, savour each moment, struggles

a few people I know are struggling with family situations… often it is with mom or dad, or even a spouse who is not well and needs care, but don’t necessarily want it…

I remember when my mom was dying and in Princess Elizabeth Hospital… I watched a dozen people move into and out of her four bed ward while she was there… it seemed if they didn’t have family who came regularly to see them, that they would soon be drugged and basically sleep through whatever time they had left… I was in the amazing position of not working so I could be with her every day… it was a special time… we had the opportunity to say all the things we felt and grew close over those last months…

she was dying of esophageal cancer, which spread to her brain… the radiation treatments she had before being transferred from Grace Hospital slowed the brain cancer and kept her basically pain free, until the end… she had smoked all her life, but stopped for a few months once she went into hospital… but while she was in the palliative care ward she started to smoke again – in those days, there was a room that you could smoke in, not like today… many thought she was nuts, but it was really the only thing she had control over… everything else was decided by someone else: when she would eat, sleep, take meds, get dressed, washed… basically everything… and really, she was dying anyway, what difference would a few cigarettes make…

I was blessed with the time and space to be able to be with her every day and it was truly a gift to walk that final journey with her… as difficult as it was, I wouldn’t give up one moment…

she came home for Christmas that final time, and we had a great day…  she wanted to stay here to die, but I didn’t think that the girls could handle it at the time, so took her back to the hospital the day after Christmas…  she died two days later…  I climbed into her bed and held her as she took her last breath…

walking the halls of St. Boniface...

walking the halls of St. Boniface…

George was with me, as he always was in times of trauma and difficulty… my best friend and beloved…

I hope that I will be able to hear when my kids are telling me I need to make changes in my life, and I hope that they will be able to hear me…

all of this reminds me again how important every moment we have is…  whether we are experiencing the highs of life, or the lows…  they each need to be savoured…  life is a gift and it is important to enjoy every second…

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