Tag Archives: journey

drinking…

10 Thursday May 2018

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tonight I enjoyed some hummingbird drinking chocolate… it was a Christmas gift from my daughter…

I used Almond Milk… made with 70% cacao, it was delicious…

before making it, I reviewed what I had eaten during the day and realized there was room for a bit of sugar;-)…

last week I saw the doctor and heard that my A1C has been creeping up for the last six months… it is at 6.3 but needs to stop rising…

I had loosened my very strict watch over my eating habits to make life a bit more relaxed… I don’t think that was bad, but will tighten up my food intake a bit to see if that can make an improvement to the next test…

so, I am trying to have bread only once a week and dark chocolate a few times a week… on the whole, the rest of my food choices are pretty good… we will see how this goes…

life sure is a journey, lol…

2000…

08 Tuesday May 2018

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this is my 2000th blog post…

seems like forever since that December day when I signed in to WordPress to see how it worked… and wrote the first post… that was five years, five months and eight days ago…

over time I came to the decision that I would post something every day… and since I made that choice, have managed to accomplish that goal…

I have written about many of the processes that were involved to finish and close an estate, daily struggles and small steps in my new journey as I wear those big girl pants…

it has been cathartic…

every day is a new adventure…

six…

05 Monday Mar 2018

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two thousand one hundred and ninety-one days since my beloved left me…

you would think that six years would make it easier…

some days it does seem a little easier… many days it doesn’t…

I do things that I’d never done before and I do them well… those big girl pants and all… but I would much rather have him beside me…

I continue to try to remember the good times and focus on them rather than feel sorry for myself… although there are certainly times when I wallow…

I’ve learned to feel those moments and sit in them and not push them aside… I believe that has helped me move forward…

as I write this the tears fall… over the last few weeks I’ve have been reminded of the days when George died and the memorial that followed… it has been very stress-filled as I have been reliving the hours and days immediately following his death…

thinking back to the police arriving at the door and my friends going with me to the hospital… not being told he had died, but walking into the room where his body was… calling my girls, and others… signing a form so that they could harvest his organs… going home to a house without him…

hard days… but today I got chocolate in the mail and bought myself a bouquet of flowers to make me smile;-)…

one step at a time on the journey…

insights…

07 Thursday Dec 2017

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been looking at my stats recently…

as of today I have 280 followers… 270 on WordPress and 10 via email…

sort of fun to review the insights and see how many people are checking it out…

it is also interesting to see where the viewers come from…

kind of amazing to think of people across the world checking out what you’ve written, lol…

I started writing in December of 2012… been a real journey… sometimes it feels like it was just yesterday and other times a decade ago…

and so we move forward… those big girl pants…

complete…

13 Wednesday Jul 2016

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recently had a conversation with someone about having that person at home you can tell anything to and they will immediately take your side…

this is one of the things I miss about being on my own… my beloved would listen to my version of whatever it was and be ready to go and do anything needed to sort out the situation… so often I would then have to calm him down, lol, but just knowing that he was always in my corner was so wonderful…

I miss him in different ways on different days… he really did complete me…

in these 1590 days I have continued to learn things and gain strength each step of this new journey… I am braver, stronger, healthier and maybe smarter… maybe…

mandevilla bud…

feeling…

22 Sunday May 2016

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lots done in the garden today… also fit in a nap and some sports on tv…


been thinking a lot of my journey lately and missing my beloved…

with over four years on my own some things are coming more easily… eating out on my own… something I would not do for any reason in the before time… getting more and more comfortable doing that… shopping on my own… doing things with the car, like taking it for gas and to get washed, lol…

working in the garden on my own… George was the one who executed so many of my ideas… he also did a lot of the work in the garden… I would do the planting in pots, but he would often do the digging and heavy work and the maintenance… I can mow the grass but also appreciate when others do it…

he was also the weeder… he’d spend time in the garage (lots of time!) and then vanish into an area of the garden and pull weeds… I did not realize how much time he spent doing that, lol…

I miss him in the morning, I miss him during the day, I miss him after work, I miss him in the hot tub and I miss him at night…

I miss talking to him, reviewing the day, getting his opinion… today I don’t think I spoke except on the phone with my daughter for a few minutes… I miss the sound of another person in the house…

the garden misses him too, I think…


maybe it is the season, or spending time in the garden… not sure exactly what it is, but missing him so much… will continue to feel my way through…

mothering…

07 Saturday May 2016

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been thinking of my mom…


for the majority of our lives we did not do well together… she wasn’t able to mother my brother and I due to illness… not sure I understood at the time…


we connected much better during my adult years, and had an extraordinary four months at the end of her life as we travelled her final journey together… 


I was fortunate to be with her every day during that time and learned so much about her… we came to be good friends… 

such a difficult time, but also a blessing…

it appears that Mother’s Day has gone from a day to treat your mom, to a weekend, even week, of excess… all I want is time with my children…

these days, with all this hype about Mother’s Day, I am thinking of all those who don’t necessarily get along with their mothers… or those who mother people but are not considered mothers… 

life is short… give someone a hug… you never know what tomorrow will bring… besides, it feels good;-)…

followers…

22 Monday Feb 2016

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how exciting… I have 254 followers… 246 are WordPress and 8 are email… pretty cool…

last week I took the plunge and moved to the next level on my site… got a domain name… a tech friend sat beside me as I clicked on the various buttons to complete the upgrade… always makes me nervous that I might not understand their questions, or choose the wrong option…

  
it was easy with someone sitting beside me, lol…

been reviewing the stats and am always awed by the number of countries that people who read the blog come from…

 in January they came from nine different countries… what a wide reach we have as bloggers…

also good to see which titles draw the most views…

  

very early in the process I decided on using single word titles… at the same time I made the decision to have at least one picture and use lower case… and ellipses…

continue to learn new things on this journey of discovery…
  

starting…

23 Saturday Jan 2016

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spent the morning at MBlog 2016 with a room full of bloggers wanting to grow… many great tips on organizing and content creation… a blog is a conversation advised Kyla Roma… we spent time looking at our own blog and working through our brand and who we wanted to be having the conversation with…

  
as the speaker, Kyla kept us moving forward so that by the end we had lots of content to work with for the coming year… 

I spent time remembering that the reason I started to blog was to share some of my experiences following my husband’s death and my desire to share as I move forward in my life’s journey…

it was energizing to hear the sound of wisdom being shared and see the animated faces of the bloggers as everyone soaked up knowledge…

  
left the event filled with ideas floating around in my head…

once home I watched figure skating on tv and had a nap… hadn’t slept well last night… snow started just after I arrived home… 

  dreamt of my beloved coming in after shovelling and when I woke up thought he was in the basement watching tv… took a few moments to realize that he wasn’t… 

maybe a combination of thinking of his loss, snow falling, and the skating, brought on the dream… my neighbour and I would call one another whenever skating was on to be sure the other didn’t miss any programs… I would watch upstairs while George would watch his programs in the basement… shook me up a little…

lonesome…

15 Saturday Nov 2014

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as I move along this new path in my journey I do get lonesome for my beloved… I miss him all the time, but mainly I am enjoying my new life…

of course there are days where I feel down… this weekend I couldn’t unhook the hose to empty the hot tub… he had the strongest hands that could open/twist/turn anything… the fish tank is getting cloudy and he would have known exactly what type of filters we need… I’ve tried a couple of different kinds, but still don’t think I am getting the right ones, sigh…

was talking with someone who lost their partner shortly after George died… they have filled their time with other people, hardly ever on their own… recently they commemorated their partner’s passing with what sounded like a full blown funeral…

we will be celebrating George’s birthday in a few weeks, likely with burgers and milkshakes, maybe apple pie, three of his favourite foods… we will be together and share stories and laugher, and maybe a few tears but likely less than last year or the year before…

interesting the different ways that we each respond as we deal with these life altering events…

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