Tag Archives: beloved

memories…

29 Thursday Aug 2013

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this morning there were 9 morning glories…

light shining through the beautiful purple morning glory...

light shining through the beautiful purple morning glory…

made me think about my Mom and the amazing days we spent together during her last four months…

she died within a year of my Dad… they were such a couple… always together, always doing things to support the other… I don’t believe I ever heard either of them raise their voice to the other…

my Dad looked after my Mom from the time my brother was born until I was about fifteen or so… when he was born she had a breakdown and spent many years struggling with her health… she would often spend six months of the year in hospital while Dad looked after us and visited her regularly…

she was on large doses of Valium so even when she wasn’t in the hospital she was pretty drugged up… she decided one day that she was getting off the meds and stopped cold-turkey… she improved amazingly after that…

then Dad’s emphysema gave him a very hard time and Mom took over looking after him… we both did, really… when I turned sixteen we bought a car together and I drove Dad to and from work every day until he took an early retirement… as he got weaker and could do less, Mom stepped up her care and before he finally went into hospital, she was doing everything for him…

morning glories blooming close together..

morning glories blooming close together..

true love is an amazing thing to behold… I got to see it with my parents, and experience it with my beloved…

sometimes I am amazed that I have lived so long without George… somehow I thought we would ride off into the sunset together…

Mom and Dad enjoyed our garden and the flowers… although for most of the early years our garden was a playground for little people… they would be part of breakfasts and barbecues on the deck…

they would have enjoyed the morning glories, and the pond… I remember them telling me about my grandpa on my dad’s side who had an amazing garden filled with beautiful roses…

the pond this morning...

the pond this morning…

what wonderful memories…

interesting the stories one remembers…

yoga…

09 Tuesday Jul 2013

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usually I take part in yoga on Friday… we have a yoga instructor come to the office and use our lunch hour for our class… we are very lucky as our workplace subsidizes this as part of our Health and Wellness program…

Friday yoga started out as restorative… since then it has also included yin and something else I can’t remember… the point is, it is more relaxed… I have been taking part for a few years and have gone through ups and downs regarding how much I have been able to do during that time with my various health issues…

for five weeks I will be having Fridays off and I decided to try Tuesday yoga to see if I might take that class so I get some exercise during the week…

Tuesday yoga is the real deal, so I wasn’t sure how it would go, but today I checked it out… I was worried but went anyway…

well, it is certainly more strenuous, lol… my classmates are amazing and when I see what they can do, I am hopeful that some day I might be more flexible… they did tell me that the class was much more difficult than usual…

at the end of the class I was in tears just thinking that last year, and even the year before, I couldn’t do downward dog for more than a second or two… today I held that pose while the others were doing something way more complicated… but the point was that I was able to hold the pose for quite a long period of time…

I have grown in strength and flexibility over these few years and look forward to more Tuesday classes… just hope they aren’t always so hard…

tonight while speaking with my daughter on the phone, I had to go see who was making all the noise in the back yard… Mr Goldfinch was singing to Mrs Goldfinch while she was having her dinner…

goldfinch singing away on a wire just outside the back door...

Goldfinch singing away on a wire just outside the back door…

feel a bit like I was singing myself… little steps on the journey… my beloved would be so proud of me…

what a year…

07 Sunday Jul 2013

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this morning I continued working a bit in the side garden… slowly but surely I am getting it tidied up…last year at this time I wasn’t able to do much of anything due to my health… I was lucky to find a wonderful woman who came and tidied up the garden for me…

side garden after more weeding... 3/4 done...

side garden after more weeding… 3/4 done…

about this time last year I was getting my personal affairs in order, because I was expecting to die on the operating table when I had surgery in mid July…

was told on May 22nd, over the phone, that I had cancer of the uterus… I had been waiting for hernia surgery for some time and, after this diagnosis, worked with my doctors to ensure that the hernia surgery I needed would take place at the same time as the hysterectomy…

in my mind I was sure that I was going to die, and so I went about organizing all of my affairs… had a new will written, as well as power of attorney and a health directive… made sure that the money from George’s insurance policies was easily accessible… I wanted to be sure that the girls would have a simpler time with my estate because I didn’t want them to go through all the struggles I had with George’s…

it wasn’t until just the week before my surgery that I began to think I might live through it…

and here it is, nearly a year later… I am healthy, happy and enjoying life… putting on those big girl pants is not nearly as difficult as it was…

missing my beloved every day but moving forward on this journey…

blooming…

21 Friday Jun 2013

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took a picture of the pond this morning, filled with the rain from last night… they haven’t been to work on it for a few days but they are waiting for the slate and pump to come in…

pond after rain storm...

pond after rain storm…

as I was driving out of the garage I stopped and took a quick pic of the clematis ready to bloom…  we must have planted a dozen clematis over the years, but this one seems to be happy…

clematis ready to bloom...

clematis ready to bloom…

and the wild roses at the front of the house, in the right bed… once they bloom will need to cut them back… they really like to take over, lol…

wild roses in front bed...

wild roses in front bed…

couldn’t manage to get those big girl pants on today… really missing my beloved…

CRA…

17 Monday Jun 2013

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this morning when I got up I had to search THE files to find George’s Last Will and Testament and a death certificate…

apparently they didn’t know that he had died over a year ago, even though they had happily accepted a payment from me for his 2011 taxes which clearly said regarding the estate of…

this year they sent me a cheque made out to the estate of, after we filed his final tax return…

anyway, although I have talked to numerous people in the government through this whole process I hadn’t told the right people or sent them the right documents…

I called just after 8 am our time to learn they open at 8:15… when I called back an hour later the phone was busy, and remained busy until just before 1 our time…

I spoke to a woman who advised I had to send the information to the CRA Winnipeg office… and of course it couldn’t go by email but could go by fax, sigh…

I had scanned it all into the computer thinking I would email it, but there you go…

after all that I didn’t get a minute to write the letter she wanted to go with it… first thing tomorrow I guess…

when my accountant called to tell me I had to do this, she was very apologetic about bringing all this stuff up after all this time and I said it wasn’t a problem… but amazingly it did touch a nerve and bring back the memories of was I contacting the correct people, was I giving them the correct answers to ensure I received whatever I was expecting from that particular organization… did I cross all the t’s and dot all the i’s…

it’s been a year and three months since he died and in some ways it seems like it was years ago, and in others, it seems like it was just a few days ago…

I even find it difficult to know how to say my husband recently died… now that a year has gone by, can I still say that??? feels like it to me, but I don’t know…

oh the ongoing learnings in this journey of the big girl pants…

in the moment…

27 Wednesday Mar 2013

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well, this morning I put on a spring coat and wore my sandals to work…  I have worn sandals at work all winter, but wore boots to and from…  but this morning the sun was shining and it was supposed to go to 0 degrees, so I decided it was time to move into spring…

the sandals might have been a little early, but it was wonderful to have them on instead of boots…

a little chilly on the toes this morning...

a little chilly on the toes this morning…

was talking with someone who mentioned George’s memorial service… I don’t remember much about it because I was dealing with a health issue at the time and was focussed on that, and not fully on what was happening around me… maybe that was a blessing…

It did remind me of the fact that last March I was afraid to walk down the street because I might have a problem with my body…  I had spoken with my doctor and we were in agreement that I needed a hysterectomy and I was waiting to get in to see a specialist, but it was a very stress-filled time…

what a difference a year makes, in so many ways… I am healthy and can do most anything these days without any worries…

I miss my beloved but each day I am learning strategies to move forward on this new journey…

February…

31 Thursday Jan 2013

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February is coming fast, and with it Valentine’s Day…

we’ve always made a production about Valentine’s Day in our house…

when the girls were little I would always bake special event cookies or other treats for their classmates, and supper would invariably be on the theme… and that tradition has continued over the years…

card with chocolate and candy...

card with chocolate and candy…

George made Valentine’s Day extra special for us as the girls got older… he always made sure to get them each a rose, whether they had a boyfriend/husband who might do that or not…

last year he remembered a particular jacket that I had been eyeing and it, along with roses and chocolates, awaited me when I got up on Valentine’s Day…

Valentine rose...

Valentine rose…

I hadn’t really noticed the hype that goes on before Valentine’s Day, but this year is different…  every time I turn around I see an ad or hear a commercial all about doing something special for your sweetie… Groupon, Teambuy and others have been suggesting things to buy for Valentine’s Day since mid January… Pinterest has been showing DIY projects since about that time as well…  TV and radio are all on the same bandwagon as well…

Valentine rose...

Valentine rose…

my beloved was the love of my life and I miss him… I am still thinking about how I will remember this year..

Life changing events…

30 Wednesday Jan 2013

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had a few conversations today about a couple of life changing events that I have experienced… besides the loss of parents and other loved ones there have been three – one in my thirties, one in my fifties and this most recent one, in my sixties…

the conversations reminded me of one in particular…   the first conversation this morning was about coffee/tea mugs and how much better certain ones make the beverage taste… brought back memories of leaving mugs behind when leaving a position…  the second conversation was about stepping out of a not-so-good situation and being open to possibilities…  interesting that both conversations took place today…

recently I have been thinking a bit about the change in my career which took place shortly after the birth of my youngest grandson… his 4th birthday is on Saturday…

I think the point for me has been, that, although the events were very difficult to deal with at the time, and really did change the direction that I and my family took, they all helped me grow and move into a better place…

sometimes it is easier to stay in a bad situation rather than step out of it and see what else is available…

I have learned that I am strong and can handle adversity… I am not framed by what was, but by who I am at this moment in time… I know that my beloved would be very proud of how I have weathered this most recent event…

difficult as each of these events has been, I would not change the outcomes… I have made lifelong friends, I have discovered what excellent skills I possess in the workplace, and I have learned and am still learning to manage on my own… I continue to see beauty all around me…

beauty is everywhere..

beauty is everywhere – you just have to open your eyes…

pretty amazing really…

Recuperating…

21 Monday Jan 2013

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enjoyed a quiet day at home… finished unpacking, did laundry, napped and watched the US Presidential Inauguration off and on throughout the day… having a lazy day reminded me of this picture of the girls with our menagerie…

every day we received a new creation on the bed...

every day we received a new creation on the bed…

had a good visit with my BS friends and am getting ready for bed…

missing my beloved today… it would have been nice to have him to chat with about all the activities of the week…

last night when the kids were here they made sure that my garbage and recycling were taken out, as well as snow blowing the driveway so that I will be able to get the car out…  a large amount of snow came down while we were gone…

lots of snow... but a beautiful sunny day...

lots of snow… but a beautiful sunny day…

very happy that I’ve taken these few extra days off so that I can recover and be full of energy for work on Wednesday…