Tag Archives: memories

Christmas Eve…

24 Monday Dec 2012

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well, here we are, Christmas Eve…

I spent a fair part of the day preparing for tomorrow`s dinner… turnips are in one pot, potatoes in another… stuffing is made – only needed one type this year as Ron won`t be here… homemade cranberry jelly prepared and cooling in the fridge…

now there`s an example of a change… George really only liked Ocean Spray Cranberry Jelly, so I didn`t usually make the homemade version… it came out very well, and I blended it with the purple immersion blender – thinking of my friend Ted, and an experience we had a number of years ago with an immersion blender… ham was cooked and in the fridge, and spinach dip was ready to take…

a friend stopped by just when I was feeling a bit down… she said it will be different but good as well…  I had just been thinking that I hadn`t been away from the house for Christmas eve in over 30 years…

Jeff and the boys came to get me and I almost couldn`t leave, but I put on those darn big girl pants and got into the car along with various bags of goodies and the final gifts… as we drove tears were falling from my eyes, and my dear son-in-law held my hand for a good part of the trip…

as soon as we arrived, the boys insisted that my stocking be added to theirs… they were very excited that I was sleeping over…

stockings were hung by the fire with care...

stockings were hung by the fire with care…

Crystal gave each of the boys a small ornament to hang on the tree… one said Isabella, for George`s mom; one said Ellen, for our dear friend and neighbour; and one for George…

George, added to the tree...

George, added to the tree…

we had appetizers for our dinner, and I talked with Cyndi on the phone…  the boys got into their new Christmas jammies and put out cookies and chocolate milk for Santa…

cookies and chocolate milk for Santa...

cookies and chocolate milk for Santa…

two of the three are in bed, and possibly, asleep…  we`ve been watching Santa`s progress on an app on my phone and he was last seen heading for Newfoundland…

I am thinking of some of my friends, who have recently lost loved ones, and hope that they too are finding some joy amongst the sadness…

there are many presents under the tree… we will see how the morning goes…

Preparing…

15 Saturday Dec 2012

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spent much of the day finding, sorting and putting up decorations…

while that was going on, someone from the cable company was in setting up PVRs on the TVs… he had lots of questions about where the cables ran, what computer was hooked up to the system, etc, etc… I was amazed at what I remembered about how George had done the set up and where all the wiring was… that was bittersweet, because it made me miss him more…

during the time he was working on that, I was cleaning the stained glass nativity figures that George made 4 or 5 years ago… they hadn’t been out for a few years

wise ones travelling...

wise ones travelling…

but I came across them while pulling out other Christmas “stuff”… sadly the cow has lost a leg, the bird on her back has fallen off, and the donkey is missing the piece that helps him stand… I will have to see if I can find someone to fix them for me … those darn big girl pants…

Mary and Joseph resting on the journey...

Mary and Joseph resting on the journey…

midway through all of that fun, the Norfolk Pine, which I had bought and decorated instead of bringing out our usual tree, fell over and a number of the ornaments broke… that was just as my son-in-law and grandsons walked in… it was a busy time sweeping up the broken glass and trying to keep the boys away from the mess:-)…

next thing I knew everyone was gone, and I was alone… I miss having George there to discuss all the busyness of the morning… he would have gone out and got the groceries, picked up the last minute items for Christmas and maybe brought back lunch for us… sigh… I know that I am going to be fine, but the season is bringing lots of memories with it and some days those memories seem sadder than others…

shepherd and sheep waiting...

shepherd and sheep waiting…

it’s been one of our (shall we say, my) traditions to put the various participants of the nativity in different places around the room as they travel toward their destination… as times goes on they get closer together and eventually all land in the same spot…  I will miss George checking to see where they might be, but will make sure that the little boys understand the journey this year, and maybe they will be the ones to check the movements when they come to visit…

Errands…

12 Wednesday Dec 2012

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had a busy day at work yesterday…

then Crystal picked me up and we stopped for a bite to eat before fetching her truck from the auto hospital and picking up a few final Christmas gifts…  it was good to have someone to shop with…

I was reminded of all the times that George would have done similar things and run here and there, to fetch just the right gift for one of the girls or boys…

I still dislike doing things on my own, although I am getting much better at it, but some things just need someone else to make them more fun… such as shopping…

I am proud of myself every time I do one of those – for me – difficult things… on Saturday, I took the car in to the dealership for an oil change…  I also had a lesson on how to put air in the tires – a George job – and put the back seats down so that larger items can slide into the trunk…  the service folk were very helpful and happy to show me things that up until now I didn’t need to know…

tonight I went shopping with my friend after work… we went to Costco and had lots of fun…  it is always fun to wander around and see what’s new and interesting…  of course we both bought stuff…

I bought lobster for New Year’s Eve dinner… since before the girls were born we would have barbecued steak and lobster…  it started with our good friends and a kettle barbecue and a huge ring of melted snow all around it…  since then it just became a tradition…  New Year’s was for the grown ups and the kids would get put to bed and a leisurely dinner would take over the evening, often with friends…  then the kids grew up and started to come for dinner on their way out to their parties and for the last few years the kids and grand kids have been here for the tradition…

of course, this year will be different… likely Jeff and Crystal will do the barbecuing… we will toast a new year without George to make us laugh… I think we will enjoy some good stories and remember Cajun (code for burned) steaks of the past…  we will have to figure out how to get the lobster out of the tail and sitting pretty…

an eternal reminder of over 40 years of companionship

an eternal reminder of over 40 years of companionship

but I know that George will be with us in spirit and in the faces of my loved ones around the table…

letting frustrations go…

11 Tuesday Dec 2012

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got home last night to discover a statement from MTS (Manitoba Telephone System)… it was for my internet service – and advised that I had not paid the November bill…

if you had been here you would probably have seen the steam escaping from my ears… I have now have phone calls with MTS for about 4 months trying to get this sorted out…

previously I shared the story of how they had to do a credit check on me less than 24 hours after George died…  a few months later I asked to have the main email address for the service changed from his email address to mine… seemed simple… 3 phone calls about that, being told each time that it was taken care of… then a bill arrived for the internet service… more calls, once again I was told it is fixed… then yesterday’s bill…

I felt a bit sorry for the woman that answered my call… it wasn’t her fault, but really people… after 20 minutes on the phone she assured me that it is fixed now… we shall see…  after a while it really is rather funny…

before George died, he looked after all the bills, often paying them in person, or by mail…

now, with the big girl pants, I have learned to use internet banking, bill paying, and credit card tracking… lots of it has been fun, because I do love technology (most days)… and the process has made bill payment much easier and quicker…

but sometimes I wish I didn’t have to wear the big girl pants, and could go back to being looked after…  George looked after me for all of those 41 plus years… he liked to grocery shop, pick up things we needed, fetch items for a variety of events I was participating in, shovel the snow when he was able, gather up and take out the garbage, ensure I had cash in my wallet, provide chocolate for my desk drawer, drive me to and from places… you know, just about anything you might want or need looked after…

it wasn’t that I couldn’t do those things, it was that he enjoyed doing them for me… George took good care of me and made sure that I would have sufficient income to live comfortably…  I have enough to pay the bills, maintain the house and buy the odd treat for myself and my kids…

as I walk through these days towards Christmas, I am working at letting the little frustrations go… because it really doesn’t matter about minor problems like incorrect bills…

I put up the forest a few days ago – I have a small tree collection – and was giggling to myself because George didn’t always love all the decorations that would go up around the house, and those memories are fun too…

trees and lights up the stairs...

trees and lights up the stairs…

I continue to focus on the wonderful Christmases we have enjoyed and the ones that are still to come… I miss him every day and expect I will do so until I take my last breath – I hope that is a long time coming… truly I am blessed…

Anxiety…

10 Monday Dec 2012

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my youngest grandson asked to see my scar a couple of days ago… it brought back some memories…

George died March 5th… following that I had some fairly serious medical symptoms which ended up with a biopsy… on May 22nd I received a phone call at 4:20 from a gynecologist advising that I had uterine cancer… I was supposed to go into a board meeting at 4:30…

I didn’t have George to talk to… that is what I miss the most…

my colleagues quickly stepped in, organized someone else to take minutes of the meeting, and a couple took me home…

we had been waiting since September of 2011 for my ventral hernia repair surgery, but the process kept going very slowly… once I saw my doctor after George’s death and described recent symptoms he advised we could not proceed with the hernia surgery as I might also need a hysterectomy, and he didn’t want me to go through two separate surgeries…

after she told me I had cancer, the gynecologist advised that she was turning me over to CancerCare, and someone would give me a call… serendipitously a colleague mentioned my situation to one of our suppliers (which was very unusual) who contacted me the next day with her niece’s phone number… her niece was one of the gynecological surgeons at CancerCare… after numerous calls my surgery was set for July 18, 2012…

I made copious arrangements for the time of the surgery, arranging schedules for those who would sit with me in the hospital, and when I got home… of course without George to look after me, I had to find others to help me…

the surgery went well and I was released from the hospital just 3 days later, and had family and friends stay with me for a while before I could manage on my own… I was home for ten weeks because of the enormity of the surgery…

a beautiful stem of orchids with an amazing dragonfly... two of my favourite things...

a beautiful stem of orchids with an amazing dragonfly… two of my favourite things…

a number of weeks following the surgery I received a phone call to advise that there had been one small cancerous polyp but everything else was clear… it was a miracle that the gynecologist had biopsied the one spot that had cancer cells… the doctor advised that I was cancer free and would not need any follow-up procedures… I had thought I wasn’t worried about the results, but when I put the phone down after the call I burst into tears… another small miracle was that a friend arrived just moments after this news to take me to a quilting group where my friends acted as my sounding board…

my grandsons had different ways of dealing with my surgery – particularly after having lost their grandpa so recently… two of them wanted nothing to do with seeing the scar, but the youngest was quite enthralled with Grandma’s owie… every time he came to see me he would want to see how the owie was doing…

I believe that George saved my life… the symptoms I was having had been minor and I might have gone for years before getting this dealt with, but the stress of his death brought on symptoms that couldn’t be ignored…

not having him to talk to when things happen – little things, bad things, good things, whatever, that is what I miss… for 41 plus years I could pick up the phone or turn to him and he would be my sounding board…

I have new sounding boards for different things now… someone at work, or a friend, or my daughters, depending on the situation… it is a part of the new reality of my life…

once my grandson checked out the scar, he went off happily, although I think he was a bit disappointed that it was all gone…