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Tag Archives: beloved

scattered…

14 Saturday Jun 2014

Posted by sulis303 in life, Uncategorized

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ashes, beloved, big girl pants, breakfast, dinner, family, memories, scattered, the "A"

this morning we laid my beloved to rest for the final time…

lovely place by the creek to rest...

lovely place by the creek to rest…

with family we walked down to a spot by the creek just across from our home of over forty years, and deposited his ashes to move out to the two rivers it joins, and then Lake Winnipeg…

I was amazed at how difficult this was… we have been working toward this event since last August when we had the discussion that Dad needed to have a place…

a few of his ashes had been placed into necklaces… a date was chosen, flights were booked… a brick from around the pond was engraved… the spot for the scattering was decided… the house and yard were cleaned and tidied for the event…

the plan had been to have a bonfire in the garden last night, and over wieners, baked potatoes and s’mores, share some of our memories of dad/grandpa… unfortunately the weather was uncooperative and we ended up crowded around in the living room looking through old photo albums… the boys were quite surprised at the photos and how different grandpa looked as a younger man, lol…

all the kids slept over and we got up early, met with the rest of the group and walked to the chosen spot… my grandson and I had decided not to have any readings, just send grandpa on his way… I shared how we had made our decisions about what we would do… told the story about how we were going to make a paper box for his remains and then discovered yesterday it wouldn’t dissolve, the last minute conversations with various professionals to decide on plan B…

scattering complete, now on to breakfast...

scattering complete, now on to breakfast…

George loved the creek, and had spent many hours there with our girls and then the grandkids, finding frogs and checking out critters, so it was a fitting place for him…

once his ashes were scattered in the creek, everyone dropped a daisy or two into the stream to travel with him… then we walked over to the “A” for breakfast, which used to be one of our weekend activities, particularly over the last three or four years… nearly everyone had the special – George’s favourite – and we had a great visit with one another…

we all had breakfast, sort of together...

we all had breakfast, sort of together…

home for a last few minutes and then folks moved on to the rest of their day… although we did have a few dad memories before they all left…

gathered tonight for a celebratory dinner…

celebratory dinner, steak and lobster with a "dad" salad...

celebratory dinner, steak and lobster with a “Dad” salad…

feeling a bit scattered myself… many memories came flooding back about the day of his memorial service, at which I was going through some serious health issues and had blocked out much of the events that took place…

the final step has been taken… my beloved…

the first poppies of the year, today...

the first poppies of the year, today…

 

flowers…

31 Saturday May 2014

Posted by sulis303 in life, Uncategorized

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beloved, flowers, planting, pond, purple, sunstroke

enjoyed a lovely morning… got my hair purpled and then went to a garden centre where I had way too much fun…

20140531-213658-77818742.jpg

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20140531-213700-77820763.jpghad a very large cart which was hard to maneuver around the plants, but amazingly I managed…

20140531-214015-78015493.jpggot some help with what to put in the pots that are going into the front bed… hope I can remember what goes with what…

20140531-214157-78117930.jpgwas forced to stop shopping when I ran out of room in the cart… but I did get a beautiful water hyacinth and a lovely water lily for the pond…

20140531-214401-78241437.jpgunfortunately I worked on one of the ponds in the garden and spent a bit too much time in the sun… may have a touch of sunstroke as I’ve been feeling sick for the rest of the day…

20140531-215527-78927162.jpgtomorrow planting will happen… and I will work in the shade, lol…

spring planting makes me happy, but it also makes me miss my beloved…

gardening…

03 Saturday May 2014

Posted by sulis303 in life, Uncategorized

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beloved, difficult, fish and chips, gardening, George, supper, tidying

woo hoo… spent some time in the garden today…

20140503-213154.jpgplan was to tidy the back deck… the furniture was all stacked and there was a ton of cedar leaves all over it…

earlier in the day I had seen a couple of huge robins in the garden…

20140503-213516.jpgafter tidying the deck I cleaned up the new flower beds and the raised bed…

20140503-214219.jpgit was cool and a bit windy, but wonderful to be out in the garden… was happy to get so much done…

20140503-215341.jpglooks good…

then I made myself pickerel, oven baked French fries, and pea pods for dinner…

20140503-215546.jpgthought about George as I was working in the garden and making supper… he was always the one who did the hard work in the garden… my job was to keep him on track, lol… and he was always the one who made the French fries… it was more than a year before I was able to make fish and chips, and even now it can be difficult…

I miss my beloved every day…

life moments…

12 Saturday Apr 2014

Posted by sulis303 in Uncategorized

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beloved, big girl pants, fish and chips, George, life moments, married, memorial service, snow, wedding

today was filled… started around noon when huge snowflakes descended from the sky… for a long time…

look what's back...

look what’s back…

about that time one of our young friends got married… my daughter sent me a video of their vows… lovely to watch… I am hoping their love endures like that of my beloved and I…

a friend picked me up and we headed off to a memorial service for another friend’s mother… second one I’ve been to since George’s… wasn’t really sure how I would make out, but it was fine… it was in a church – a denomination that I have been connected to over the years, so the process was familiar… it was beautifully done and my friend managed very well…

but it did remind me of the memorial service we went to a week before George died… on our way home he commented about how people might remember him… that kept coming to my mind during today’s service… friends at today’s event were mindful and checked to see how I was doing… nice to be cared for…

interesting to have a beginning and an ending all in the same day… just yesterday someone commented on their parents’ 45 years of marriage… feel like I need to let the tears flow, but that hasn’t happened so far…

last night I found the missing pickerel (which I had been searching for) in the freezer and thawed it to have tonight… I made fish and chips… it was something that George made on a regular basis, often on Tuesday night when I got home from aquasize…

fish and chips...

fish and chips…

was rather proud of myself as I have only made chips a few times since then…

those big girl pants slip on easily sometimes and other times are very difficult to get into…

the depths…

02 Wednesday Apr 2014

Posted by sulis303 in life, Uncategorized

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65, beloved, big girl pants, celebrate, depths, mixed up, pain, snow

tonight I stopped and picked up some fish and chips, which I have been craving for weeks… didn’t even put away my things when I got home… it was delicious…

have been really down for a while and it wasn’t until tonight when a friend called that I realized what the problem was…

another friend is turning 65 on Friday and tonight their family were having a come-and-go to celebrate…

when the invitation arrived I faced the fact that George would have been 65 last December… it didn’t mean much at the time, but this celebration kind of kicked me in the gut… don’t get me wrong, I’m glad our friend is having a great special birthday, but I’ve been stuck in my own pain…

we were invited to add a note to an online card and include a picture of our family… didn’t know what to do about that either… should the picture be of my family now or what my family used to be… In the end I sent a picture of our group… that seemed to take care of the request, but I am still trying to figure out who my family is…

20140402-211358.jpg things seem so mixed up right now… April second and the garden is filled with snow… I remember the year George died and how we were out working in the garden raking the grass in the middle of March, just a few weeks after…

apparently, you never know what will bring on the pain… as another friend said, likely I will have days like this for the rest of my life… hopefully they will come less often as time goes by…

dripping…

09 Sunday Mar 2014

Posted by sulis303 in life, Uncategorized

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beloved, big girl pants, ceiling, dripping, ice dam, meltdown, snow, snow blowing

this morning I went outside to do a bit of shovelling so that I could get to the hot tub…

it was warm, amazingly, and water was dripping from the various icicles which were hanging across the back of the house…

took a few pictures while I was out there…

20140309-214213.jpg
this one shows how the snow was actually melting along the edge of the deck…

a bit later I went to have a shower and discovered water dripping from the ceiling into the bathtub… realized that it was from an ice dam that I had been taking pictures of earlier…

20140309-214602.jpg

called and consulted with my son-in-law and he agreed he would look at it when they arrived for dinner…

had a bit of a poor me meltdown wanting my beloved to be here to look after me and fix this…

later the kids had some fun in the snow while their daddy blew lots of it out of the driveway…

20140309-215641.jpg

then there were ladders, hammers, roof rakes, and long bars as the two oldest boys tried to get rid of the ice dam…

20140309-215843.jpg

fought with those big girl pants today…

time…

05 Wednesday Mar 2014

Posted by sulis303 in life, Uncategorized

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beloved, commemorate, flies by, Grandpa, my beloved, time, very slow

sometimes time seems to fly by, particularly if you are trying to get something done in a certain period…

other times it is very, very slow, particularly when you are trying to get past something, lol…

and still other times, it goes by at a normal speed…

today, it seems to be going rather slowly… two years ago today, my beloved died…

can’t figure out how to go about commemorating the day… do I sit around and sob all day long… do I pretend to ignore the date and push my way through it…

hard to know what works best…

40 roses to celebrate 40 years...

40 roses to celebrate 40 years…

above is a picture of the flowers George brought me on our 40th anniversary… I was in the hospital with pancreatitis…he was a great romantic…

have had many Facebook messages and a few phone calls… I was fine until I saw one or heard the voice of someone thinking about me… then I burbled like a baby, lol…

tonight the kids here, and in Ottawa, were together by Skype and we had dinner together…

it was crazy… the weather was awful, the supper arrived early, we had trouble getting connected on Skype, the kids in Ottawa had to eat before we connected, Crystal had to leave early for a concert, Jeff arrived late and the little kids were all hyped up, lol… we spent a bit of time talking about things that Grandpa liked to do…

a young friend brought her newborn over for a few snuggles which was lovely…

I wonder how other people celebrate/remember the date of the passing of their beloved…

20140305-210354.jpg

little jobs…

28 Friday Feb 2014

Posted by sulis303 in life, Uncategorized

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beloved, big girl pants, garbage, little jobs, recycling

today was garbage and recycling day…

I’ve come to the place where I don’t put out the bins every week… partly because I don’t usually have that much garbage or recycling in one week, but also because it is difficult to get the bins into the back lane with all this snow…

my neighbour snow blows along his garage which is where three of us put our bins… my son-in-law also makes sure it is cleared out when he is over…

I leave the recycling on my side of the lane right in front of the gate so it makes it difficult to get in and out…

often when the kids are over, my grandson brings the bins in for me…

recently I put up a mirror and have been cleaning the bookshelves in the hall…

these are all little jobs that I never had to deal with… I’d come up with something that needed to be done and my beloved would make it happen… I miss that…

I also finally found some hooks that don’t have to be nailed or screwed in… finally got them hung up on the weekend and now can hang my towels on my new purple door…

looks rather pretty…

20140228-223720.jpg

health insurance…

26 Wednesday Feb 2014

Posted by sulis303 in life, Uncategorized

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beloved, benefits, big girl pants, health insurance, Manulife, no waiting period, Rona, Sun Life

well, after weeks of waiting and comparisons I think I have a plan for my health insurance…

when my beloved left me, RONA provided me with two years of survivor benefits and they run out next Thursday…

I didn’t realize what a complicated process it was to get insurance…

for a while it looked as though I was going to have to wait for three months once I got the insurance…

I was also worried as to whether I would qualify if I had to go through a medical… although I am cancer free it was worrisome if having had uterine cancer would disqualify me from insurance…

I also had no idea about the cost… after speaking with the Sun Life people, where the RONA plan was, I discovered that it would cost me $200 a month for similar benefits to those I’ve had over these last two years… thanks RONA, for those benefits…

eventually I found a broker who was able to find a roll-over program which will cost about $117 a month… no more dental coverage, but medical/pharmaceutical which is more important…

good news, it will take effect next week and there isn’t a waiting period… AND there is no medical required…

those big girl pants have been well used recently…

20140226-220634.jpg

loss…

10 Monday Feb 2014

Posted by sulis303 in Uncategorized

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40 years of marriage, beloved, big girl pants, death, devastated, loss, one step at a time, stay positive

a friend lost her mom… it was shocking and awful… didn’t matter that she was in her nineties…

when you lose a loved one, you aren’t prepared, even if you think you are…

we talked for quite a while and she mentioned the most difficult part was sharing the information with her children, and then supporting them as they processed it…

me and my girls...

my girls and I this summer… they are such amazing young women…

brought to mind the very difficult phone calls I had to make when George died… one of my daughters lives here and the other lived at the coast…

I had to pull myself together and call them… I remember calling the one here in the city and praying that her husband was home because I knew she was going to dissolve into a million pieces… and thank goodness, he was home and answered the phone… I was able to know that he was beside her to hold her when she heard the news… I don’t even remember how she told our grandsons…

then I had to call my daughter at the coast… I knew that her husband was across the country and she had no one at home for support… I didn’t even have a friend’s number who I could call to go and be with her… we had to make decisions about whether she would come home right away or wait for the storm that was pounding the coast to abate… would she contact her husband who was writing an exam the following morning or wait until he was finished… would he come back to their home and travel with her here, or would he travel directly here from where he was…

the kids here came immediately to the hospital, although while I waited it seemed like it took forever… the daughter from away had to wait until the next day to come, and her husband did come directly here… finally we were all together…

and then we took one step at a time to get everything done that was needed…

speaking with my friend, I realized that I had blocked out making those phone calls…

in less than a month it will be two years since my beloved died… I am working very hard to stay positive and not fall into a funk… when I start to feel sorry for myself I put on those big girl pants and think about all the special times we had over 40 years… I am amazed that after this amount of time I can still feel devastated…

a young friend recently asked me how I was doing and I burst into tears… not that great I guess, lol… some days it feels as though everyone has moved on with their life… and I have too, until the gaping hole opens…

truly I have been blessed, and that helps me take the next step…

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