Tag Archives: missing

blubbered…

14 Thursday Feb 2019

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what a difficult day… i never know when one of these days will come along…

I’m a bit worn out from recent events so that may have exacerbated the feelings…

anyway, I blubbered throughout the morning at the office… my colleagues were all so kind…

I left after lunch and went to The Stoneware Gallery and found the cutest heart shaped bowls…

picked up bannock and rye bread from La Belle Baguette, which made me happy because they’ve been out of the bannock every time I’d stopped by previously…

filled up the car and got home in time to have a lovely afternoon nap…

looking forward to my first Friday off in many weeks…

tasty…

30 Sunday Dec 2018

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I’ve been a bit lonely over the last week or so… most Christmases my older daughter and her husband have come home… it didn’t work out this year…

was out in the hot tub this morning, first time in ages… a bit later these two pictures came up in my Facebook memories…

the first is deadly chocolate mousse cake, her favourite… I always make sure to have it in the house when she comes… in fact whenever I go to visit her, I take some as well… we always have the cake for breakfast, which the grandsons think is amazing;-)…

the second is of our water boots from last Christmas… she loves the hot tub and our usual pattern is a late night dip before bed…

it was my other son-in-law who suggested water boots many years ago… they work perfectly so that my feet never get cold or snowy…

today I spent some time cooking… turkey and dumplings, and mashed potato and garlic soup…

they both came out pretty tasty, although I am not going to be able to have the potato soup for work lunches because it reeks of garlic, lol…

now…

04 Sunday Nov 2018

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it’s the little things…

was sitting in the hot tub this morning thinking of my beloved… realizing that some of the things I miss most are the little ones…

like having him wring out facecloths and towels and swimsuits… he had the strongest hands… now, I’ve developed more strength in my hands and wring things out myself…

like dealing with spiders… I have always been afraid of them… and always felt that they search me out… he would save me when I would come across one… my shriek would be a fairly clear sign for him, lol… I can now find the nearest item to use to smack down a spider when I come across one… just the other day I was surprised by a big one and I didn’t even freeze… just grabbed something and wacked it…

like being there to commiserate with… this morning I banged my foot on the door… it really hurt… no one to say poor you;-(… haven’t found a solution for that yet…

like driving the car into the garage… it was always stressful for me because of the slight jog in the driveway… now I just drive right on in, even when I know I have to go out again soon…

and of course holding hands… I really miss that…

rummaged…

09 Sunday Sep 2018

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odd weather today… went from cloudy to sunny, to rainy, and back again a number of times… ended with sun shining through the clouds…

the poor morning glories took a beating early on… nearly every time it rained the drops were huge…

thinking of my dad today as I took hours to make fresh tomato sauce to go with some spaghetti for supper… I keep buying grape tomatoes to make caprese salad and then never use them all up… he would add all kinds of condiments to add flavour and it always ended up delicious… as I rummaged through the cupboard, I remembered watching him do the same thing, lol…

it turned out great and was a lovely treat as I don’t often have pasta… made some homemade coleslaw to go along with it and have a bit of both for lunch tomorrow;-)…

coolpix…

25 Saturday Aug 2018

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I am really missing my camera… on the first day of our camping trip it died…

the zoom opened, but then would not close… I tried all the possibilities – turned it off, turned it back on, took out the battery… sadly, nothing worked…

this is how it still looks, sigh…

at this point I don’t think it is worth repairing… I’ve had it for at least ten years and it has been repaired two or three times… don’t think it is worth the money… current technology is so advanced that now is the time to look into a new model…

I’ve been looking into replacing it and had hoped it would last until Christmas, but no such luck… it feels like an old friend so it is sad to see it go… will have to save up for a while to get a replacement…

it is quite amazing how much you can miss something or someone….

classic…

24 Tuesday Jul 2018

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wondering if the reason I’ve been missing my beloved so much lately has to do with the social media reminders of how difficult Julys have been for me…

he was always there to look after me…

eight years ago today I had a procedure which gave me pancreatitis and kept me in hospital for six weeks… my beloved came everyday and often brought photos of the morning glories that were blooming that day… this was by far the most painful health experience of my life and I cannot imagine how I would have managed without him…

six years ago in July I had surgery for cancer and to repair a hernia… he wasn’t there to support me for that one…

but I also remember the wonderful trip we had in July of 2011 when we went to Courtenay to visit the kids… we saw hundreds of classic cars, walked among the huge redwoods, went up the chairlift on Mount Washington and lived to tell the tale… anyone who knows us would know how afraid of heights we both were, and I still am…

a glorious time…

so amongst the dark times there were also some great times…

really, how blessed have I been…

wish…

02 Saturday Jun 2018

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having a hard day… been ages since I’ve had one this bad…

a few things have happened over the last week which have made me wish my beloved was here with me… he was always my biggest supporter…

never know when the grief will overwhelm you, sigh…

spotted these yesterday… he loved alliums…

six…

05 Monday Mar 2018

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two thousand one hundred and ninety-one days since my beloved left me…

you would think that six years would make it easier…

some days it does seem a little easier… many days it doesn’t…

I do things that I’d never done before and I do them well… those big girl pants and all… but I would much rather have him beside me…

I continue to try to remember the good times and focus on them rather than feel sorry for myself… although there are certainly times when I wallow…

I’ve learned to feel those moments and sit in them and not push them aside… I believe that has helped me move forward…

as I write this the tears fall… over the last few weeks I’ve have been reminded of the days when George died and the memorial that followed… it has been very stress-filled as I have been reliving the hours and days immediately following his death…

thinking back to the police arriving at the door and my friends going with me to the hospital… not being told he had died, but walking into the room where his body was… calling my girls, and others… signing a form so that they could harvest his organs… going home to a house without him…

hard days… but today I got chocolate in the mail and bought myself a bouquet of flowers to make me smile;-)…

one step at a time on the journey…

missing…

27 Tuesday Feb 2018

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rough day today…

attended a celebration of life with my colleagues… it was lovely…

gatherings like these are always hard for everyone… for me, they bring up the people who are missing in my life…

I’ve been thinking back to the day of George’s memorial… the stress as we all got ready in the house… the meltdowns, the tears… worrying about how the little boys would manage and not wanting them to have a bad memory of the day…

staying calm as the program took place and making sure that everyone was looked after… so many details and people to speak with…

and then it was over… and my new life began…