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herbiggirlpants

~ the new reality of a "70 something"

herbiggirlpants

Tag Archives: one step at a time

2500…

19 Thursday Sep 2019

Posted by sulis303 in family, life, loss, Photography, Uncategorized

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2500, beloved, big girl pants, blessed, blogs, Life, memories, missing, moments, moving forward, one step at a time, time, widow

today marks my 2,500th blog post…

seems like an amazing accomplishment for me…

hard to believe that on December 1st, 2012, I started writing this blog so that I could share about the changes to my life and the things I’ve had to do following the death of my beloved…

there was such a learning curve about all the issues I have had to deal with as a widow…

it has morphed into more of a daily journal of my life and what I see around me…

it is also hard to realize that my beloved has been gone for 7 1/2 years – that’s 90 months – 2,751 days… an instant… forever…

although I am truly blessed, I sure do miss him…

loss…

10 Monday Feb 2014

Posted by sulis303 in Uncategorized

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40 years of marriage, beloved, big girl pants, death, devastated, loss, one step at a time, stay positive

a friend lost her mom… it was shocking and awful… didn’t matter that she was in her nineties…

when you lose a loved one, you aren’t prepared, even if you think you are…

we talked for quite a while and she mentioned the most difficult part was sharing the information with her children, and then supporting them as they processed it…

me and my girls...

my girls and I this summer… they are such amazing young women…

brought to mind the very difficult phone calls I had to make when George died… one of my daughters lives here and the other lived at the coast…

I had to pull myself together and call them… I remember calling the one here in the city and praying that her husband was home because I knew she was going to dissolve into a million pieces… and thank goodness, he was home and answered the phone… I was able to know that he was beside her to hold her when she heard the news… I don’t even remember how she told our grandsons…

then I had to call my daughter at the coast… I knew that her husband was across the country and she had no one at home for support… I didn’t even have a friend’s number who I could call to go and be with her… we had to make decisions about whether she would come home right away or wait for the storm that was pounding the coast to abate… would she contact her husband who was writing an exam the following morning or wait until he was finished… would he come back to their home and travel with her here, or would he travel directly here from where he was…

the kids here came immediately to the hospital, although while I waited it seemed like it took forever… the daughter from away had to wait until the next day to come, and her husband did come directly here… finally we were all together…

and then we took one step at a time to get everything done that was needed…

speaking with my friend, I realized that I had blocked out making those phone calls…

in less than a month it will be two years since my beloved died… I am working very hard to stay positive and not fall into a funk… when I start to feel sorry for myself I put on those big girl pants and think about all the special times we had over 40 years… I am amazed that after this amount of time I can still feel devastated…

a young friend recently asked me how I was doing and I burst into tears… not that great I guess, lol… some days it feels as though everyone has moved on with their life… and I have too, until the gaping hole opens…

truly I have been blessed, and that helps me take the next step…

a year of blogging…

01 Sunday Dec 2013

Posted by sulis303 in Uncategorized

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Alaska, beloved, blogging, Christmas, Christmas project, cleaned aquarium, George, gift, hand-made gift, lots of important changes, Mexico, one step at a time, Seattle, year of blogs

well, a year ago today I wrote my first blog… the time has both flown past and taken forever, lol…

I’ve posted nearly every day since then… lots of things have taken place over this year…

commemorated George’s birthday for the first time without him… first Christmas without George and with Cyndi and Ron not coming home… took my kids to Mexico for a winter vacation… went on an Alaskan cruise… had two unforgettable days in Seattle… spent some wonderful time on Vancouver Island… had the pond rebuilt… spent some great time in/on the water over the summer… celebrated Cyndi and Ron’s trip through Winnipeg with a fabulous Champagne Bubble Party…

today I finished the Christmas project I’ve been working on with help from a lovely young woman at a local store… then Crystal and all the boys came over early and helped me with a number of jobs around the house… we put up and decorated some small trees, and put up the snow people…

cleaaning the aquarium... took 4 boys to get the job done...

cleaaning the aquarium… took 4 boys to get the job done…

finally, the boys changed the water in the aquarium and cleaned the pump… oh my, it was dirty… George would not be pleased with me, lol… still need to get a new filter but it is already looking much better…

for the last few weeks I have been struggling much more with the loss of my beloved, but today I may have turned the corner…

I’ve been working on a small gift for family and friends… George and I often produced hand-made gifts over the years… we would design them together, and he would usually be the one to make them… I decided to do one this year and enjoyed the process, but was also missing his input… the project is complete and may have helped me realize that he was with me throughout the process…

I have been wearing those big girl pants more and more and some days they fit very nicely… other days they feel enormous…

I will continue to take one step at a time on this new journey…

Sorrow and healing…

14 Thursday Feb 2013

Posted by sulis303 in Uncategorized

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Baileys, cars, chocolate hearts, cookies, cupid delivery, feeling sorry for myself, lost son, miss him, neighbour, new reality, one step at a time, remembering daddy, roses, sadness, sorrow and healing, The Keg, time passes quickly

my neighbour of over thirty years lost her forty-year old son to cancer a few days ago…  I cannot imagine her pain…

I spent a few minutes with her and we talked about the sadness but also the need to go on, one step at a time…  a friend of hers was there and my neighbour mentioned that my husband had died a few months ago… it is nearly a year but time passes so quickly…  she will be fine, like me, moving forward and doing what needs to be done…

for me there is no choice…  I work at seeing the good in things around me, remembering the best and looking forward with hope…

I ordered roses for my girls and did very well until I was asked what the card should say… then the tears began to flow and I could hardly speak… both of the florists I spoke with were very compassionate, patiently waiting until I could speak again… the cards said – remembering daddy…

no matter what else was going on he always made sure that each of them got a rose for Valentine’s Day to be sure they knew how much he loved them…  what a romantic he was… I miss him so…

had quite the up and down day today…  woke up very early thinking about George and wishing he was here…  at work, I delivered flowers to one of my colleagues and was feeling a bit sorry for myself because I wouldn’t be getting any…

cupids, making their delivery...

cupids, making their delivery…

then I was called out of a meeting to deal with a situation at the front…  it was two cupids singing and playing a cute song as they delivered a heart-shaped cinnamon bun and chocolate heart…

In the heart of winter you may feel like an icicle – but your heart can be warmed with this message by bicycle – let there be no questions or shades of grey – your kids wish you a happy valentine’s day – so ignore the quality of singer or song – just know that with us, you can do no wrong.

treats...

treats…

it was our soup day so I had a lovely lunch with some of my colleagues – Thai Coconut Curry soup and sugar cookies – some very pretty ones that Crystal dropped off, and some rather strange looking ones that I made last night…

after work Crystal and I went to look at cars and consider whether I should upgrade… then we went to The Keg, where we met up with Jeff and had a lovely dinner…  steak and lobster for me, yum…

finally I got dropped off at home and charged into the house on a mission to get the garbage and recycling out for tomorrow’s pick-up…

on the floor I spot…

what the...

what the…

and followed along…

photo1

up the table...

up the table…

photo3

where I discovered a cute card from all the kids…

photo4

 

… your “Lots of Love Club”!

as I sit here writing, and drinking a small glass of Baileys, I can look over and see the chocolate hearts, which I have not yet moved, lol… pretty great kids…

what a day… filled with tears and laughter as I move forward in this new reality…

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