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~ the new reality of a "70 something"

herbiggirlpants

Category Archives: loss

dad…

11 Sunday Jun 2017

Posted by sulis303 in family, food, health, life, loss, nature, Photography, technology, Uncategorized

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beloved, big girl pants, dad, driving, effort, emphysema, family, George, office supplies, special, sports, treat, widow

been thinking of my dad a lot lately…

he died nearly thirty years ago… he lived with emphysema from the time I was a teenager…

he did as much as he could, but spent the weekends recovering from the week and trying to build up the energy to make it through the next week…

when I turned sixteen, he and I bought a new car together and I began driving him to and from work every day… which also meant that I got to drive to school each day;-)…

he loved sports and we often attended athletic events at the arena and watched whatever sport might be on tv… 

he was the person who taught me to appreciate each person or team’s efforts and applaud everyone’s performance, whether they were the one you were rooting for or not…

to this day I do the same…

he started me on my love of office supplies… when I was young I would occasionally spend a weekend morning with him at work and organize his desk, lol… 

he spent a good portion of his working life helping people figure out what type of work they would be best at, and he was very good at it…

when my beloved and I were first married, he would go grocery shopping with me and add a roast or some other treat to my bag… at first I felt bad that he did this, until I realized it was something he could still do for us… by that time he couldn’t manage physical things like home repairs any longer… buying us a treat was his way of supporting us…

he was a very special man… my girls were not yet teenagers when he died, much like my grandsons who were so young when my beloved left us… maybe this is why I try to keep memories of George alive so that the boys remember him…

a very rare professionally taken picture of mom and dad…

chimes…

10 Saturday Jun 2017

Posted by sulis303 in family, food, health, life, loss, nature, Photography, technology, Uncategorized

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big girl pants, chimes, Christmas, copper, friends, garden, George, heart, neighbours, sound, widow, wind

the new neighbours have put up some wind chimes… the kind that I like, not the high pitched tinkling ones…

wonder how long I will refer to the neighbours as new, lol…

reminds me of the wonderful ones that we had… they were a gift from friends and had a lovely deep sound… 

one year we decided to make similar ones as our Christmas gift for friends… 

George took ours apart to create the template and worked on them for weeks… 

we had great difficulty finding the correct type of copper, but eventually all the bits and pieces were gathered up… 

during that time he came down with an infection which damaged his heart… he just finished the gifts in time, as he was feeling so sick… 

he never did put ours back together… I think the struggle to get the gifts done really tarnished his love of them… 

a couple of months ago I found the bits for our original set, but apparently some of the pieces aren’t there… 

I can’t figure out how to put it together but with the lovely sound coming from next door I think it’s okay…

rose buds getting ready to open…


funny the things you remember…

wild…

09 Friday Jun 2017

Posted by sulis303 in family, food, health, life, loss, nature, Photography, technology, Uncategorized

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beautiful, beloved, big girl pants, flowers, garden, root, rose, widow, wild, wild rose

went to close the curtains in the dining room this morning and was surprised and so excited to see the wild roses blooming…

we brought home a root that we dug out of a ditch around Hillside Beach decades ago…

nothing happened for a few years and then it took off…

ever since we’ve been pulling it out of flower beds, borders, and even the grass…

but it is beautiful and reminds me of fun times with my beloved…

gusto…

08 Thursday Jun 2017

Posted by sulis303 in family, food, health, life, loss, nature, Photography, technology, Uncategorized

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bag, big girl pants, flowers, friends, garden, gusto, irises, moments, patio, special, sun, widow

wonderful evening…

supper out with my dear friends… we went to Pizzeria Gusto and had a lovely dinner…


shared lobster risotto and roasted brussel sprouts… and ended with half of a chocolate tart… delicious…

we enjoy one another’s company and always have things to share…


dinner out was to celebrate one of our birthdays… we have a birthday bag that goes from person to person…

we have used this bag for many years and it has been repaired a few times… but the fun when we pull it out for the next person’s birthday is just wonderful…

the birthday woman wanted to eat on a patio and we thought we’d picked a great spot, but then discovered it didn’t have an actual patio where you could eat, lol…

took numerous emails and texts to work out our plan, but we did…

it was warm but not hot on the patio and, as always when we gather, time flew by and we had lots of fun…

dropped off at home and spotted these irises blooming…

nearly missed them… it was serendipitous that I stepped out onto the deck and walked just far enough to see them… 

a final special moment to end a very special evening…

clematis…

07 Wednesday Jun 2017

Posted by sulis303 in family, food, health, life, loss, nature, Photography, technology, Uncategorized

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beloved, big girl pants, clematis, flowers, fun, garden, George, moments, purple, treat, widow

been thinking of some fun times with my beloved…

for years we tried to grow clematis… at one point we had one that grew for two years along the neighbour’s garage… then it died off…

we tried everything from putting rocks over the roots, to digging deeper holes, to trying different varieties… but nothing seemed to work…

we would laugh because one of our neighbours had one that took up the whole side of her garage, lol…

for the last seven years or so this clematis has grown up the side of the house… 

I’m always so excited when it comes up again… it is still rather scrawny looking…

but here it is with blossoms that are nearly ready to open… 

what a treat…

muskrat…

06 Tuesday Jun 2017

Posted by sulis303 in family, food, health, life, loss, nature, Photography, Uncategorized

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big girl pants, critter, dandelions, garden, grandson, muskrat, widow

on Sunday when my grandson was finishing up mowing the dandelion patch that was the front yard, he came and got us to say something was walking across the yard, maybe a beaver… 

we spotted the critter and think it was a muskrat… although it did not stop long enough for me to get a picture…

but we googled and the pictures came up looking like our guest…

since then I keep hearing Muskrat Love in my head…

this is how the front looks now…

grief…

05 Monday Jun 2017

Posted by sulis303 in family, food, health, life, loss, nature, Photography, technology, Uncategorized

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beloved, big girl pants, feelings, garden, grief, loss, moments, prepared, sadness, widow

had a conversation with someone who had recently lost a family member… we were comparing notes…

both of us talked about how slowly the person seemed to go downhill and then how fast the final moments were…

although you think you are prepared, you aren’t…

we talked about how the grief overcomes you at anytime… for sure not when you’d expect it, and the only way forward is to succumb to the feelings and walk through them…

for me, when the moments come, if I can figure out why I’m feeling that way, seems to make it easier to let it wash over me and then I am able to move forward…

sometimes though they just come with no explanation…

it’s been over five years and I can still drop to my knees with the pain on occasion…

for whatever reason I am going through a deep period of sadness… maybe because my beloved did so much of the work in the garden… maybe because it is Spring and a time for new beginnings… not sure, but it is certainly tough…

the garden, which is usually my favourite place to be, is not providing the usual peace and renewal…

one step at a time…

moon rising over the trees last night…

ice cream…

04 Sunday Jun 2017

Posted by sulis303 in family, food, health, life, loss, nature, Photography, technology, Uncategorized

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big girl pants, Blue Star Bakery, ice cream, Linwood School, memories, walk, widow

after supper we went to Sargent Sundae for ice cream…

three of us walked and the other two took the car… we spotted three bunnies just going down the street…

on the way we reminisced as we went by the Community Club… remembering Blue Star Bakery and the sweet man who made all the delicious donuts, cookies and cinnamon buns… sometimes the girls would have some change to get something and other times he would just pass out a cookie…

then we walked down Winchester alongside of Linwood School and talked about the 75th anniversary, which took place when the girls attended the school… where the music room was and who lived on the street… it was fun listening to my daughter share some of her memories with her son… reminded me of why we have stayed in one house forever;-)…

met up with the other two in the lineup… a beautiful evening so there were lots of people with the same idea as us, lol…

there was a lot of trying to get hugs going on… really not done in public anymore…

eventually we all got our ice cream and sat on a bench outside to enjoy our treats…

they jumped in the car and headed out and I strolled home…

lovely walk…

pleased…

03 Saturday Jun 2017

Posted by sulis303 in family, food, health, life, loss, nature, Photography, technology, Uncategorized

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big girl pants, Clay Oven, dinner, moments, planting, pleased, purple, savour, SkipTheDishes, sleepless, solar, treat, widow

not quite sure what is going on but I am having trouble sleeping… this is unusual…

recently I’ve had a few nights with just over four hours of sleep… last night was one of them… not pleased about this and hope it settles down soon…

had breakfast in the garden and enjoyed the poppies that were blooming…

the sun was shining through the fence and trees and it was very peaceful… decided to eat outside to see if I could get into the planting mood, lol…

ran out and did errands… after I got home and had lunch I managed to do some planting… three pots done…

put one beside the pond… it has some moonflowers and pansies in it…

put the other two on the deck… one filled with morning glories and the other has a pepper, some cilantro and a few flowers… not sure that the alyssum I planted yesterday is going to make it… will have to wait and see… still have a few plants that need to be potted…

the fuschia and alyssum are doing very well beside the garage door… 

ordered in for dinner… was given a SkipTheDishes gift certificate a few weeks ago and had decided yesterday to order my favourite meal from Clay Oven, but had too many treats during the day, so decided on a simpler supper… 

all day I’ve been thinking about how delicious dinner was going to be and it was great fun to work until I was tired, knowing that it was looked after…

and it was delicious, as usual… savoured every mouthful… have the process down to a science now… when it arrives, I put the rice and potatoes away for a meal the next day and then enjoy the naan bread with the remaining meat, salad and side… today I was especially pleased that it came with palak paneer, one of my favourites…

sitting out by the pond as I write this…  quiet evening and the temperature is currently 25 Celsius, not crazy hot like yesterday…

the solar lights are winking on, one at a time as the sun goes down…

enjoying the moment… I continue to remind myself and take the time to savour what is going on around me at any given time… 

struggle…

02 Friday Jun 2017

Posted by sulis303 in family, food, health, life, loss, nature, Photography, technology, Uncategorized

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beloved, big girl pants, dandelions, fish, frog, garden, neighbours, overwhelmed, planting, struggle, widow

not sure what is going on but I am really struggling with getting the garden planted and cleaned up…

feeling bad for the new neighbours who appear to be gardeners… at this point my yard is the bad one, sigh…

the front looks like a dandelion forest… got some feelers out to find someone to come and mow and whippersnip on a regular basis…

I’ve got all these lovely plants and have had to force myself to get them into the appropriate pot…

this is all I managed today… still have a number that need to be dealt with in the garden and haven’t even picked up plants for the front beds…

was nice to have my frog friend show up…

and tonight the fish even came out of hiding for a while…

feeling overwhelmed and missing my beloved… five years and it feels like yesterday…

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beloved big girl pants birds blessed chocolate Christmas cold dinner family fish flowers food friends fun garden George grandson grandsons happy health hibiscus hot tub light lunch memories moments morning glories nature orchid photos pictures plants pond purple rain remembering shopping sky snow sun sunshine supper Technology time treat trees walk water weather widow

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