icy…

11 Sunday Mar 2018

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beloved, big girl pants, health, ice, icy, light, struggles, thinking, walk, weather, widow, winter

been thinking a lot about people struggling with mental and physical health these days…

I usually feel down in February and March and I think it has to do with the lack of light and cold weather… of course this being the time of year that I lost my beloved has added to the negative feelings…

many of those I speak with at this time of year are having similar struggles…

maybe we focus on our aches and pain more because we are getting out and about less, lol…

my knee has been bothering me for about a week now and it is frustrating because I can’t figure out what I did to it…

I will be so happy when I can get out and walk to the Park again without having to worry about freezing temperatures and icy sidewalks… and be able to smell fresh air…

caramel…

10 Saturday Mar 2018

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beloved, big girl pants, caramel, cedar, dark chocolate, Olympics, PTE, trees, widow

spent some time this morning watching the Olympics… although there was hockey on for part of the time…

then it was off to PTE to see How the Heavens Go… on the way we stopped at Morden’s and I picked up a salted caramel dark chocolate, along with a few other items… the milk chocolate version was one of George’s favourites… it was six years ago today that we laid him to rest…

had also brought a few shortbread cookies that my friend had made for me after Christmas, which are in the freezer so I can have a treat now and then…

as I walked up the street on the way home, I had to stop and take this picture… the tree is so pretty even though it was gray out…

there are still many trees covered in snow… a number of my cedars have bent over branches and I am hopeful that they will recover…

six…

05 Monday Mar 2018

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beloved, big girl pants, chocolate, family, flowers, friends, girls, journey, loss, memories, missing, organs, six, step, time, widow, years

two thousand one hundred and ninety-one days since my beloved left me…

you would think that six years would make it easier…

some days it does seem a little easier… many days it doesn’t…

I do things that I’d never done before and I do them well… those big girl pants and all… but I would much rather have him beside me…

I continue to try to remember the good times and focus on them rather than feel sorry for myself… although there are certainly times when I wallow…

I’ve learned to feel those moments and sit in them and not push them aside… I believe that has helped me move forward…

as I write this the tears fall… over the last few weeks I’ve have been reminded of the days when George died and the memorial that followed… it has been very stress-filled as I have been reliving the hours and days immediately following his death…

thinking back to the police arriving at the door and my friends going with me to the hospital… not being told he had died, but walking into the room where his body was… calling my girls, and others… signing a form so that they could harvest his organs… going home to a house without him…

hard days… but today I got chocolate in the mail and bought myself a bouquet of flowers to make me smile;-)…

one step at a time on the journey…

smiling…

20 Tuesday Feb 2018

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beloved, big girl pants, flower therapy, healing, in the moment, joy, music, sadness, smiling, sun dogs, sunflower, widow

this morning the Flower Therapy card that I selected was a sunflower and advised that smiling was healing and made you feel better…

I often bop around in the car as I drive to and from work listening to the radio and dancing along with the music… it makes me smile as I wonder what the people in the other cars are thinking…

as I was heading home my joy ornament was glittering in the sunlight….

brought a smile to my face…

and that was right after driving towards the very bright sun dogs in the sky…

there was lots to smile about today… and it did make me feel better…

as the date of my beloved’s passing looms closer I am trying to give myself the space to be in the moment and let the sadness come and go as needed…

roses…

14 Wednesday Feb 2018

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beloved, big girl pants, Boston Pizza, Decadence Chocolates, kindness, roses, spicy perogy, treats, Valentine's Day, widow

last night I picked up roses for my colleagues and was touched when my florist advised she had added an extra one to be sure that I got one…

on the weekend I made valentines for everyone using my pictures, an app to put words on them, and wireless printing… lots of fun… currently I have one as the wallpaper on my phone…

always enjoyable to treat them…

my beloved really loved Valentine’s Day… he always got me roses and chocolates and made sure that both of the girls received a rose too…

I still send roses to the girls…

often we’d have our favourite steak and lobster for dinner;-)…

been feeling a little sorry for myself without him, so preparing treats for others helps me overcome that feeling…

had a lovely day at work… wore red, had snacks and decided I would order a heart shaped pizza for supper as a treat for me…

it was the spicy perogy, which I really like… made a salad to complete my meal…

maybe I will finish off a small piece of sugar-free Berrylicious from Decadence Chocolates as a final treat…

thanks to Victoria for sending me a couple of photos from the office;-)…

hoping that you had a day filled with kindness…

pants…

04 Sunday Feb 2018

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beloved, big girl pants, blessed, finances, pants, portfolio, RRSP, stressful, struggle, widow

wearing those big girl pants a lot recently…

met with my finance guy and reviewed my portfolio… we discussed when I might need to begin removing funds from my RRSPs and how long the money will last…

it is complicated as the whole thing is a guessing game about how long I will live and need the money…

thinking how blessed I am that I have these problems as there are so many out there whose struggle with finances is much more difficult…

sure do miss my beloved during these times… feels a lot less stressful when there are two of you dealing with these issues…

pristine…

28 Sunday Jan 2018

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beauty, beloved, big girl pants, pristine, shovel, snow, widow

I did not leave the house today…

early in the day I took a few photos of the beauty in the backyard… the sun shone on the snow and the critters hadn’t made any paths through the white… even the garage roof was pristine…

it is always lovely to admire the snow when there isn’t a need to go out in it, lol…

out the front there were diamonds glittering everywhere… could barely see where the front sidewalk should be…

when the kids came for dinner my shoveler got to work and cleaned everything up…

there was a fair bit of snow, but it was light and fluffy… although it was cold, it didn’t take him too long to get is done… he has improved so much since he started doing the job… my beloved, who was very particular, would be proud of him…

won’t have any trouble getting out for work tomorrow…