Tag Archives: sadness

vacillating…

25 Saturday Dec 2021

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today I’ve been vacillating between joy and sadness…

joy at spending time this morning online with the kids in Ottawa as we opened our gifts;-)… they were in the sleigh, lol…

sadness that I am here alone, even if at my own choice…

joy, at spending time with my grandson and his girlfriend in the garage around the fire pit exchanging presents…

sadness that my beloved isn’t here…

joy, that my dinner was delicious… my favourite roast chicken, homemade stuffing, cranberry sauce, mashed potatoes, gravy and turnip…

it looked a little beige, but tasted delicious…

sadness that I wasn’t able to see the rest of my Winnipeg family…

and back to joy as I remember I am home safe and healthy on this Christmas Day…

yup, up and down…

blubbered…

14 Thursday Feb 2019

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what a difficult day… i never know when one of these days will come along…

I’m a bit worn out from recent events so that may have exacerbated the feelings…

anyway, I blubbered throughout the morning at the office… my colleagues were all so kind…

I left after lunch and went to The Stoneware Gallery and found the cutest heart shaped bowls…

picked up bannock and rye bread from La Belle Baguette, which made me happy because they’ve been out of the bannock every time I’d stopped by previously…

filled up the car and got home in time to have a lovely afternoon nap…

looking forward to my first Friday off in many weeks…

smiling…

20 Tuesday Feb 2018

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this morning the Flower Therapy card that I selected was a sunflower and advised that smiling was healing and made you feel better…

I often bop around in the car as I drive to and from work listening to the radio and dancing along with the music… it makes me smile as I wonder what the people in the other cars are thinking…

as I was heading home my joy ornament was glittering in the sunlight….

brought a smile to my face…

and that was right after driving towards the very bright sun dogs in the sky…

there was lots to smile about today… and it did make me feel better…

as the date of my beloved’s passing looms closer I am trying to give myself the space to be in the moment and let the sadness come and go as needed…

grief…

05 Monday Jun 2017

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had a conversation with someone who had recently lost a family member… we were comparing notes…

both of us talked about how slowly the person seemed to go downhill and then how fast the final moments were…

although you think you are prepared, you aren’t…

we talked about how the grief overcomes you at anytime… for sure not when you’d expect it, and the only way forward is to succumb to the feelings and walk through them…

for me, when the moments come, if I can figure out why I’m feeling that way, seems to make it easier to let it wash over me and then I am able to move forward…

sometimes though they just come with no explanation…

it’s been over five years and I can still drop to my knees with the pain on occasion…

for whatever reason I am going through a deep period of sadness… maybe because my beloved did so much of the work in the garden… maybe because it is Spring and a time for new beginnings… not sure, but it is certainly tough…

the garden, which is usually my favourite place to be, is not providing the usual peace and renewal…

one step at a time…

moon rising over the trees last night…

sometimes…

16 Thursday Feb 2017

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been a rough few days… many reasons… waiting on test results… various changes around me… missing my beloved… mental struggles…

tonight I got a beautiful card in the mail…

great timing… needed a bit of a confidence boost…

and then I walked by the window and saw this…

there is always beauty out there… sometimes I need a brief reminder…

it is so easy to get caught in a downward spiral of sadness…

difficult…

12 Thursday May 2016

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another early work day… juice had the cutest little umbrella in it…


been thinking of many I know who are dealing with difficult issues right now… health, work, loss… so much sadness…

happy news, today was a colleague’s birthday…


this was the gorgeous rose she received…

seems like flowers everywhere…

tonight I made lettuce wraps with taco meat and grated cheese… I like this type of meal because you have to work to get it eaten… even though it is cold, windy and overcast outside, this was a very nice meal… felt like Spring, at least in the house, lol…

been a full week… glad to have the day off tomorrow…

health…

03 Thursday Mar 2016

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been thinking a lot about folks who have been dealing with health issues, either sick or injured…

so many people I know have struggled with miserable colds and flu… both of my girls were ill and got sent home on Monday… many friends are just beginning to get over various issues…

the beginning of March is a difficult time for me… can’t help but think back to the loss of my beloved… I’ve been inundated with Facebook memories of things we did in the days just before his death…

have also been working on a project where I’ve been looking through my photographs… am always surprised at how much I have forgotten and the pictures are great reminders of special moments…

  
came across this picture of a Chihuly glass fixture at 295 York… George and I had dinner there a few times when it was still the Lobby on York…

lost my parents when they were both just over 65… George’s dad died around that age and he didn’t make it to 65… for a while I have been wondering if I will make it to 65… looks like I will, lol…

I am feeling healthy and in better shape than I’ve been for years…

although there is sadness, life is good…

missing…

26 Thursday Jun 2014

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this morning as I was walking down the stairs a wave of sadness swept over me… I was missing George so much, I could hardly stand it…

as I was leaving the house I got some shots of the clematis… we were both so excited that it continued to return year after year and bloom so beautifully…

many blooms on the clematis this morning...

many blooms on the clematis this morning…

I felt his loss all day… I had an appointment at CancerCare and remembered how he was always there for any appointment I had, just as I was always there for his appointments… Crystal wasn’t able to go with me for this one, and I was a bit nervous as the last two times the examination had been extremely painful… happily, today it was a piece of cake… I was in and out within 20 minutes…

when I got home and was taking off my shoes I looked down and saw this…

Cyndi wore these while she was here and they were just sitting at the front door...

Cyndi wore these while she was here and they were just sitting at the front door…

hard to believe that there are such hard moments after 842 days…

great close up... took these before I even got into the car, lol...

great close up… took these before I even got into the car, lol…

 

sadness…

16 Tuesday Jul 2013

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as I drove home from work tonight a wave of sadness overcame me…

I haven’t been able to shake it… I have been missing my beloved so much this last week or so… don’t know if it is the pond… he always gave me action about the ponds but he loved to look after them, and the fish, even as he complained…

was talking with someone about having the roof reshingled and thinking how he would have known who to talk to and sort out the best people to do the work, and even whether we needed the work done…

even talking with my kids couldn’t lift the sadness…

well, I am going for a short hot tub and then to bed… tomorrow is another day and a great opportunity to remember good times and let the sadness float away…

smiling as I was taking his picture...

smiling as I was taking his picture…