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herbiggirlpants

~ the new reality of a "70 something"

herbiggirlpants

Category Archives: loss

morphed…

01 Monday Aug 2022

Posted by sulis303 in family, garden, life, loss, moments, retirement, Uncategorized

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anniversary, beloved, big girl pants, blessed, car, family, garden, grandson, memories, moments, morphed, paper flowers, photos, pond, remembering, Technology, time, walk, widow

started the day looking at photos of my beloved…a few tears were shed in the process… we were married 52 years ago today… I still remember looking out the window of the apartment to see him dropping off the decorated car… in those days, getting the car turned out with paper flowers was the thing to do, lol…

then I had a walk around the garden… in the 49 years we’ve been in this space, it has morphed from a square green grass covered area, to a swing set with some cedars, to a small swimming pool space, to a huge sandbox with a two story playhouse, to a parking area for a camper trailer… to a space filled with ponds and lovely gardens…

thanks to the help of Hilda the Gardener, a lawn service, and the kids, it is looking wonderful and I know that he would be pleased…

I am truly blessed, but I miss him every day…

hidden…

13 Wednesday Jul 2022

Posted by sulis303 in garden, life, loss, moments, nature, retirement, Uncategorized

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big girl pants, blessed, camera, fish, garden, hidden, moments, nature, pictures, pond, raccoon, treats, widow

something has been getting into the pond…

I hadn’t seen anything on the camera until a few nights ago, when the camera caught this…

the night view makes it a bit hard to recognize, but the rings on the tail were the confirmation that it is a raccoon… it didn’t appear that any fish had been caught…

I think the fish are being careful to stay hidden under the bridge…

on Sunday night they came by again and the camera caught them right in the pond…

I spotted one of the fish sort of wedged under a rock, so I moved the rock and the fish swam away… it looks a bit scraped up, so I hope it will be okay…

I put two chairs across the spot where I think they are going into the water and then sprinkled Epsom salts around the rest of the pond…

dissuade…

04 Monday Jul 2022

Posted by sulis303 in business, garden, life, loss, moments, nature, retirement, technology, Uncategorized

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big girl pants, blessed, camera, dissuade, fish, garden, moments, motion, nature, plants, pond, Technology, water lilies, widow

last Thursday night I think a raccoon (or more than one) came into the garden and attacked the pond…

they got at least two fish and tossed around the water lilies… they don’t care for fish scales, so end up leaving them on the ground… I found two piles on the stepping stones alongside the pond…

the fish were clearly traumatized and have barely come out from under the bridge…

after doing some research, I put down epsom salt all around the pond and hoped that would dissuade them from finding their supper in my garden…

I also put on the motion sensor at the back door and the one on the garage…

since then, they have come back a few times, although I am starting to wonder if it might be the coyote that has been wandering in this area… the plants have been disturbed, but I haven’t found any fish bits…

this Thursday I put up a new wireless camera to see if I can spot whatever has been coming by…

so far, nothing has been spotted…

munched…

01 Friday Jul 2022

Posted by sulis303 in family, food, life, loss, moments, technology, Uncategorized

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beloved, big girl pants, blessed, Canada, family, fireworks, gather, learning, memories, moments, munched, Park, popcorn, reading, remembering, Technology, trees, widow

in recent years Canada day has been a much quieter event for me…

for many years my beloved and I would have a gathering with family, friends and neighbours, and end the day with huge bowls of popcorn which we would consume as the fireworks went off at the Park…

chairs for everyone would be placed out on the street and there was lots of oohing and aahing at the fireworks as we munched on the popcorn…

this afternoon, I made a bowl of popcorn and munched on it thinking of the past and dreaming of a more inclusive future…

after forty plus years, the trees have grown so much that we could no longer see most of the display and over the last few years the Park hasn’t set off fireworks due to construction happening where the staging area used to be…

last year it felt like celebrating would be an insult to our First Nations peoples and so I spent time learning more of our sad history…

today I hung an orange heart on the front door and wore an orange shirt with red leggings… I continue to learn and support in ways that I am able…

I love this country and hope that we can do better… I am finding these to be very complicated feelings and continue to struggle with them…

hospital…

28 Tuesday Jun 2022

Posted by sulis303 in family, garden, health, life, loss, moments, nature, retirement, technology, Uncategorized

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beloved, big girl pants, blessed, family, flowers, garden, hospital, memories, moments, morning glories, nature, photos, purple, special, Technology, treat, widow

as I wander around the garden every day and spot the morning glories, I am reminded of our fortieth wedding anniversary…

I spent six weeks in St. Boniface Hospital with pancreatitis and then gall bladder surgery ~ instead of a trip to BC ~ and each day when my beloved came to spend time with me, he brought photos of whichever morning glories were in bloom…

using the camera on his phone was not something he did regularly, so it was special when he brought these to me…

it also meant that he took the time to check out the garden as he knew how I loved these flowers… and they had just started to bloom after I ended up in the hospital…

a very special man, my beloved…

grilling…

20 Monday Jun 2022

Posted by sulis303 in business, family, food, garden, life, loss, moments, nature, retirement, Uncategorized, weather

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barbecue, beloved, big girl pants, blessed, garden, grilling, hot, irrigation, memories, moments, nature, steak, weather, widow

it was a hot one on Sunday…

I spent a good part of the day in the garden… the sun was blazing…

went around and watered all of the planters and then turned on the irrigation system… it worked fairly well and I am excited to get the rest of it connected…

had a nap in the house over the hottest part of the day and then sat on the upper deck in the shade and read…

dug out the grill and barbecued a steak which I enjoyed with some homemade potato salad and asparagus…

nice to do some grilling… my beloved would have cooked the steak better, but as time goes on, I am learning;-)…

drummers…

19 Sunday Jun 2022

Posted by sulis303 in family, life, loss, moments, retirement, Uncategorized

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beloved, big girl pants, blessed, cushions, drummers, family, Father's Day, garden, happy, home, marathon, memories, moments, remembering, waterfall, widow

began the day listening to the drummers at the Park as they welcomed runners participating in the Manitoba Marathon…

then I put out all the cushions, made breakfast and sat in the garden, listening to the drums and the waterfall…

although we only did it for a few years, I always remember the early morning trips to the UofM when the girls took part in the Marathon… it is such a wonderful reminder of what great dads do to ensure their kids get all the opportunities… and on Father’s Day, lol…

sure do miss that great dad, but am spending the day reminiscing about all the things he did to make their lives better and the life lessons he taught them…

Dynasty…

01 Wednesday Jun 2022

Posted by sulis303 in business, garden, life, loss, moments, nature, retirement, Uncategorized, weather

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big girl pants, blessed, butterfly bush, dahlias, dynasty, flowers, garden, happy, milkweed, moments, nature, purple, weather, widow

great wander around the garden before the rain a few days ago…

excited to discover the milkweed is growing in the ground and in the planter where it did very well last year…

it appears that one of the dahlias may be poking through the soil…

and most exciting of all, the Monarch Dark Dynasty Butterfly Bush has new growth on it… this is huge as I’ve tried to overwinter them before without success…

right now only one of the pair shows any signs of buds, although that one came outside earlier than the other… fingers crossed…

restaurant…

19 Tuesday Apr 2022

Posted by sulis303 in business, family, food, life, loss, nature, retirement, Uncategorized, weather

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big girl pants, blessed, card, family, food, moments, nature, nervous, out and about, Park Cafe, restaurant, semi-normal, weather, widow

today, I went to a restaurant… first time in over two years…

I wasn’t sure how I would feel… whether I’d be nervous or stressed out, lol… happily I didn’t feel either of those things…

we arrived and there were few people in the space, so that was good…

we were seated near the windows and watched many geese fly up and over the building…

our server, one of my favourites, was masked and pleasant… after breakfast I ordered a beet salad and some falafels to have for my lunch…

it was nice to do something semi-normal…

a bit later in the day a friend dropped by with a beautiful handmade birthday card and we had a brief chat on the steps…

a bit of shovelling, a nap, and reading took up the rest of the day…

own…

26 Saturday Mar 2022

Posted by sulis303 in family, life, loss, moments, nature, retirement, Uncategorized, weather

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big girl pants, blessed, company, daughter, garden, hot tub, moments, nature, own, sleep, weather, widow

we’ve been out in the hot tub every night since my daughter arrived for this short vacation… I have been enjoying the company…

it has been great as I hadn’t been in it for quite a while… the deep snow had kept me from opening it up…

today has been quiet as she headed out to visit with friends and is spending the night away…

I must say that time in the hot tub before bed really improves my sleep, so I am going to go out on my own tonight, lol…

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beloved big girl pants birds blessed chocolate Christmas cold dinner family fish flowers food friends fun garden George grandson grandsons happy health hibiscus hot tub light lunch memories moments morning glories nature orchid photos pictures plants pond purple rain remembering shopping sky snow sun sunshine supper Technology time treat trees walk water weather widow

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